#platypus was their first baby! You can’t change my mind!!

[inubaki]

From Adam to Ada

-Guilt

—-

based off @taradiddled’s mini addition of this:

It’s so sad but cute…..my heart…

@adamsapple-angst-week-2025

[skits-things]

Jitterbugs

@ironstrangehaven Here's my entry for IronStrange Week 2023 Day 2: Nervous | Orange. Will post on AO3 when the DDOS attack is over. This was betaed by @darkkitty1208. Fic is under the readmore.

Summary:

“Ahaha… Phew. Oh, it’s finally happened. You’ve got your first schoolboy crush, you big baby.”

“I don’t have a crush. There is no crushing here. I’m not nervous, and I didn’t do any of that! As often as you’re saying.”

Tony lunges for his phone and punches in a number he’s long since known by heart. Thankfully, and likely motivated by some sort of conditioning, Rhodey picks up near instantly. “Rhodey. Rhodey, something’s wrong with me.”

“Tones, what’s going on?” Rhodey asks, all cautious alertness. 

“My heartrate’s skyrocketing, I’m sweating and I can’t focus on anything - not even my projects. Rhodey, what good am I if I can’t get into the zone? All I am is my mind Rhodey. I NEED my mind.” Tony paces and runs a hand through his hair. “Something’s seriously wrong if I can’t make shit.”

A pause. “FRIDAY, is Tony dying again?” 

Offended, Tony says, “I’m right here.” 

“Yeah, and you never tell us anything if it has to do with your health. Thus, the big baby monitor protocol.” 

“It’s called the Tony Monitor.”

“That’s what I said.”

Tony scowls, but is cut off from arguing further by FRIDAY saying, “Boss, while exhibiting symptoms of an anxiety attack, is not currently experiencing an attack. After cursory research, it seems to be nervousness.”

Rhodey groans and Tony can practically hear the eyeroll. “Tony, you’re killing me. What are you even nervous about?” 

“I’m not nervous.” Tony denies. “I don’t get nervous. I’ve had nerves of iron my entire life.” 

Rhodey hums in thought. “You know, you might have a point there. I’ve seen you get defensive from trust issues, but I don’t think you’ve ever been nervous-nervous.”

“See!” Tony exclaims, vindicated. 

“FRIDAY, what’s making Tony spazz out?” Rhodey mercilessly kicks Tony back down to Earth. Tony makes a sound of indignation, but FRIDAY, the traitor, proceeds to answer Rhodey’s question. 

“Dr. Strange is due to come by for a meeting regarding maintaining relations between Kamar Taj and the Avengers going forwards.” And then, because he doesn’t get to keep anything to himself apparently, Friday says, “Boss has checked the schedule three times and has shifted things in his workshop twice. He periodically stops working to clean up after himself and has changed five times.” 

Tony doesn’t get to do more than squawk in protest before Rhodey's raucous laughter pours over the phone. Insultingly, it goes on for several minutes. A couple of times, Rhodey pauses as if to say something, only to burst into suppressed giggles that Tony could still hear. 

Tony’s scowl grows deeper. 

“Ahaha… Phew. Oh, it’s finally happened. You’ve got your first schoolboy crush, you big baby.” 

“I don’t have a crush. There is no crushing here. I’m not nervous, and I didn’t do any of that! As often as you’re saying.” 

“Sorry boss.” FRIDAY apologizes, without a speck of actual regret in her tone. “You did, in fact, do all of that.” 

Tony scoffs. He changes the subject. “And what’s with you, Platypus? Even if I did have a crush on Strange, which I don’t, you’ve never approved of anyone I took interest in before.” 

The unimpressed silence stretches for just a fraction of a bit too long. Tony winces. “Because the only people you’ve ever had around were gold-diggers or mindless parrots.” Rhodey says flatly. “Strange is just you, but more on the opposite scale of things. You two balance each other out.” 

Tony only gets to feel touched for an instant. “Besides,” Rhodey continues, “Stephen might be an asshole, but underneath that shell of his, he’s all gooey insides. He’s a pretty fun guy.” 

Tony blinks. He tries to clean out his ears. “I think I have tinnitus. What did you just say?” 

Rhodey laughs mockingly. “We’ve talked every once in a while. He wanted to give me some options I didn’t have before. Did you know the wizards can use magic to move paralyzed limbs?”

A lump instantly forms in his throat. No, Tony didn’t know that. His mind races with the implications. 

“I said no. And don’t you try and talk me out of it.” Rhodey chides without missing a beat. Tony closes his mouth. “What happened, happened. I’ve made my peace with it. Sure, it would be nice to stand on my own two feet, but magic’s not for me.” And both of them know, no matter how much he trusts the ones who wield magic, Tony will never be fully comfortable with it being used around him. 

“You’ll figure something out, Tones. I’ll just wait until you can science me up a solution instead.” 

Tony takes a minute to process that. He clears his throat. “Well. Of course I will.” 

He searches for a way to divert the conversation away from feelings, only to feel like he’s been hit by a clue-by-four. “Wait. What do you mean you’ve been meeting with Strange? And did you call him Stephen?” 

Rhodey chuckles. “We meet once a month to chat. He translates some of the nonsense from my doctor’s appointments. He’s a damn good doctor, too. Remember that crick in my hip? Three different docs could only tell me something was wrong, but Stephen managed to sort me out after I told him about it. It wasn’t my spine, it was my skin - I’m mildly allergic to the muscle relaxant. It’s why the symptoms were only showing recently. Some exposure is fine, but overtime, the effects added up.”

Tony’s face does something. He’s not sure what he’s more conflicted about. That Strange went over his head to talk to Rhodey about using magic or that Rhodey’s apparently been meeting Strange for months - enough to call him Stephen (seriously Tony can’t get over that) - when the asshole knows that Tony’s been trying to get Strange on the team for just as long. 

(Unsuccessfully, but Tony prefers to think of it as a work in progress.)

“And don’t think you’re going to distract me.” Rhodey pauses and if he didn’t have a smirk the size of the Sicilian, Tony would eat his suit. “This isn’t about me and Stephen, this is about Stephen and you.” 

“What, our working relationship as heroes?” Tony tries to deflect. 

“Aha- nice try. It kills me that I can’t be there to watch you fall over yourself right now, but I’ll have to settle for prying your mouth open for the details. When are you going to ask him out?” 

Tony twitches and argues, “I’m not going to ask him out, because I don’t like him. He’s an asshole wizard who refuses to do the smart thing and become an Avenger.” 

Rhodey scoffs. “Pull the other one, it’s got bells on. You haven’t been this much of a mess since that time in Philly where-” 

“Alright, fuck- I thought we agreed to never speak of that again.” Tony cuts him off hastily. 

“You agreed. I hold veto rights.” 

He does, which Tony likes to pretend to forget about. He tongues his teeth in thought. “I dunno Rhodey, I still feel like this is all about something else.” 

Rhodey says something, but it’s covered up by interference. After a moment, his voice comes through loud and clear. “Alright Tones, I’ll let you believe that. But when you get your head out of the ground and take a hint, don’t try and push him away. Stephen likes you a lot or he wouldn’t have stood for having you hound his every step. Just man up and ask the guy out.”

There’s a lot for Tony to unpack in that (Stephen likes him?), but he doesn’t get the chance to think it over. More noise can be heard over the call. “Listen, I’ve got to go- keep me updated alright?”

There’s a tone to his voice that brooks no argument, and Tony knows he’s talking more than just about whatever crush Rhodey thinks Tony has. The soft warm feeling in his chest is more familiar than the way his guts nearly overturned just a few minutes back. “Yeah, yeah. Go do whatever it is you’re needed for.” 

The call ends and Tony’s left feeling better than he had before he talked to Rhodey. His Platypus really does know him best. Even if he HAS to be wrong about Tony liking Strange.  

Just to prove it, Tony pictures the wizard. His lithe, graceful movements. The way he somehow makes robes from ancient history look like some sort of fashion statement. His smug smirk, cheekbones sharp enough to cut diamond, and the ever changing color of his eyes. 

Tony flushes. Fuck. Maybe Rhodey has a point after all. He laughs uneasily, but Rhodey’s words come back to mind. 

Stephen likes him? Well, if Rhodey’s right about Tony, Tony won’t bet on Rhodey being wrong about Stephen, too. Plans start building up in his head. He’s going to charm the pants off the wizard- and hopefully a lot more too. 

Still late posting this, but not as late as last time. Maybe I'll actually post on time at some point!

[fighterkimburgess]

This Thing We're Building

Summary: Drunk words aren't always sober thoughts, but Kim learns quickly Adam isn't as drunk as she thought he was and a conversation is had. Post 9x06

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: alcohol

Wanna join my taglist?

--

“You’re pretty.”

Adam’s words broke through the silence of the car. He was three sheets to the wind, Kim knew that, but he said it so clearly she nearly thought he was sober.

“I know I’m drunk. But you’re beautiful, Kim. Thank you.”

She reached for his hand, his left on her right as she drove.

“You’re not too bad looking yourself.”

It was quiet until they nearly were at her apartment, Adam staring out the window. If it wasn’t for the fact he wasn’t snoring, Kim would think he was asleep.

“Thanks. For believing in me.” This wasn’t the moment she wanted to have this conversation for, she thought they might not need to have it at all. But his tone made it clear it was on his mind.

“I’m always going to believe in you. The one time I didn’t, I made the biggest mistake of my life. And I can’t let that happen again. I…” Kim trailed off, taking a breath before speaking. She hadn’t said the words in years, but it felt so right.

“I love you. I love you and I trust you and I’m always going to believe in you. Because you’re a good guy, Adam. You treat Makayla like she’s your own. She loves you too. You’ve nursed me through two shooting incidents. You’re my family, and every single day I wish I’d listened to you the way I should have. But I’m all in.”

They’d been in this weird limbo for the last few months. He stayed at her apartment more than his own, Makayla was used to his breakfasts and preferred them to Kim’s. He’d bought a platypus for her when she asked him to, cutting off his poker night. How could she not love the man who proved over and over and over again just how much he loved her?

“Now I know I’m drunk.”

“Why?”

“Because if you’re telling me you love me then something is really fucked up.”

She’d backed into her parking spot by then, and turned to face him. Adam was staring out the window, and she gripped his hands, making him face her.

“Adam Ruzek, I am so completely in love with you it hurts. I love you because you’re parenting Makayla with me. I love you because you let her paint your nails. I love you because you hold me when I have a nightmare and let me cry it out. I love you because you are the man I was going to have a child with, the only man I would ever consider having a baby with. I love you, Adam.” She took a breath, refusing to look at his face. “And if you don’t feel the same way, I know I might have ruined everything. But almost dying means you know what’s important, and you are important to me.”

“I love you too.” The words were nearly too fast, his tongue tripping over them. “God, I love you and I love Mak. The woman at the toy store asked me how old my daughter is, and I nearly said she wasn’t but I couldn’t. I just said she’s seven. This thing we’re building is the most important thing to me. When those shots were coming, all I could think was I need to make it back to see her. That’s what ran through my head. I needed to see her.”

“Let’s go up and check in on her.”

They held hands in the elevator up, Kim paying the babysitter as Adam nodded in an attempt to not look as drunk as he was. Kim handed him a sandwich to eat first, watching as he wolfed it down before handing him a large bottle of water to help the hangover. He hadn’t eaten before going to the bar, and the food helped. Their ankles linked under the table, Adam smiling at Kim.

“Come to bed,” she murmured as he finished, holding her hand out to him. The couch was still made up, but even though they hadn’t put a label on what they were she wanted him there. He was her home.

They stood in the doorway of Makayla’s room, Adam tucking Kim under his arm as they watched her sleep, the new platypus in her arms. It looked the same as the old one, and she loved it. Knowing Adam had made sure to pick it out made it even more special.

They changed, Adam putting sweatpants on and Kim in her pjs, before curling up together. She could smell the whiskey on his breath, but she reached up to kiss him anyway.

“I missed that, Darlin’,” he breathed out as they separated, both aware that that night was not the right night to do anything further.

“I missed you calling me that.”

“Well you don’t have to any longer.”

She thought he was nearly asleep, but the reminder of what Makayla had said popped into her brain, and she had to tell him.

“Do you know why she loves the platypus so much?”

“No idea. Why?”

“Because we gave it to her the first night she stayed here, and she was safe then. So if she has it, she’ll stay safe.”

“She is amazing, and we are so lucky.”

“Yeah, we are.”

Kim drifted off to sleep in his arms, the best sleep she’d had in months. She didn’t have a nightmare, instead waking up to Makayla knocking on the door.

“Kim, Adam didn’t stay over last…Adam?” She asked, her platypus in her arms as she took in the sight in front of her.

“Hey, Buddy. Wanna come up here? It’s only—“ She glanced at the clock, seeing it was before they had to get up. “Five thirty. We’ve another hour, come on up here with us.”

Adam was awake by now, and he turned to grab the water on the nightstand. Kim had left breath mints there for him too, and he took one before holding his arm out for Makayla to join them.

“Does this mean you’re like Ken and Barbie?” She asked as they curled up together, enjoying the quiet before the day had to begin.

“I mean, I think I have nicer hair than Ken, but yeah. How do you feel about me staying over more?” Adam asked, wincing as a sharp seven year old elbow hit into his ribs as she turned.

“You’re here every night anyway. It just means you sleep in a bed and not on the sofa. I like it.”

All too soon Kim’s alarm went off, and she rolled out of bed, pulling Makayla with her.

“C’mon, you’ve to get ready for school. Let’s get moving kiddo.” The seven year old pouted before going back to her room to change, Adam sitting on the side of the bed staring into space.

“Hot shower and some grease?” Kim asked, but he shook his head.

“Grease yeah, but someone’s gonna be expecting breakfast. Maple oatmeal with bananas work for her?”

“She’ll love it.”

Kim leaned down to kiss his forehead, smiling as he pecked her lips before they separated. It didn’t take long to get dressed and ready for work, and when she came out Adam was presenting a bowl to Makayla.

“We’ve got bananas, we’ve got blueberries, and we’ve got maple syrup. I mean you’re sweet as anything anyway but I didn’t think a little extra could hurt.” She grinned as he placed it down, nodding rapidly.

“Thanks Adam!”

They were dressed and out the door in record time, takeout mugs of coffee in both adults hands as they made it to the car. Adam strapped Makayla in, making sure she had her lunch bag beside her. The drive to school was quick, the two hardened cops watching the child they were raising together run inside with a wave.

When they made it to the district they sat in the car for a moment, looking at their interlaced fingers that they hadn’t even realised were together.

“I think we tell Kev, because he deserves to know. But everyone else can wait. There’s something going on with Hailey anyway, and there’s tension between Jay and Voight. I say wait until we know what’s happening before announcing?” Adam said, and Kim nodded.

“Definitely. I don’t know what’s happening but I don’t like it. They all know you’re basically living with us anyway, it’s not that different.” They shared one final kiss before getting out of the car and heading inside, waving at Platt before running upstairs to work.

Taglist: @aruzlover @amandarrollins @morganupstead @adamruz @fullwattpadmusictree @redpoodlern @everythingaddictxx @write4life13 @lizlouisebrown @jeanjacketjesus @tuxieboy101-blog @thelittlepterophyllum @planecrazylex @sophiatellerrhodes @eternal-olicity @ossypooh @dissociation-writes @kimburgess-ruzek @thestarrynightslover @reidskitty13 @etamne @torreshalstead @itsnotpersonalbut @leymr @kellykidd @dedlund82 @pinkwhitebrown @mmacke3613 @sylvieshay @upsteadlovingheart @ittybitty-tittycommittee @thatoneblog3467 @bila1011 @multicouple-lover @burzekschicago @keenmarvellover @milfdeacon @calgarycanuck

[wagner-fell]

Mari kicked down the dressing room door with a bang so loud Kevin jumped and spilled his hot coffee cup all over himself. Hearing his yelps of pain, Astrid peaked her head out of the curtain, laughed at his expense then shut it again. Maria ignored that.

They strutted out to where the boys were sitting and struck a pose. “Can I rock cottage core or can I rock cottage core?”

Kit didn’t trust himself to speak. He simply nodded instead. While the baby blue dress with short, ruffled sleeves looked a bit out of place paired with Mari’s bulging muscles, she looked absolutely stunning.

The Merry Hoes were located in the back room of the antique store Kevin’s family owned. The Chu’s just got a large donation of vintage clothing. Mari had just gotten their pay check from the downworlder gym she worked at. Kit and Astrid really didn’t want to do their maths homework. It was destiny.

Despite being downworlders both Blessica and Kevin still lived at home. Mari, though, lived with the rest of their pack in an old Edwardian mansion a few blocks away from school. However the five of them slept over at each other’s place of residence so often they blurred together in the young Herondale’s mind. He could really only tell them apart by their smells.

Mari’s reeked of dirty laundry as they were one of four folks on the feminine side of the gender scale out of the lycanthropy of London, Blessica excluded. Her house smelled like Ube, a type of yam her Filipino parents put in everything. Kit couldn’t complain. Ube flavoured ice cream was the best thing he’s ever eaten. Aside from Mari. Though he wasn’t usually the one… Nevermind.

Kevin’s house smelled of Longjing tea and red wine. A peculiar combination that oddly enough, worked quite well.

Astrid had two homes as her parents divorced at the age of six. Stepping into her mom’s house was like stepping into a cookie factory. Which made sense as her mom owned a bakery and lived above it. Kit didn’t know exactly what Astrid’s dad’s place smelled like, let alone looked like, but he could make an educated guess that it was similar to the Los Angeles Institute because it was in LA too.

After they separated, Miss Yang fled to Devon to dodge the possibility of seeing her ex-husband when they exchanged Astrid. Kit related to her on a deep, personal level.

Now Astrid spent her summers in America and Kit drained his battery on international phone calls.

Her three months in the USA each year helped him bond with her better when they had first been introduced. For example, her ringtone was the Perry the Platypus theme song. Blessica, Kevin and Maria had no clue what it was but when the music reached Kit’s ears, the two sang an epic duet that put Kiss Me More (the second most iconic duet in history) to shame.

“How much is this anyway,” asked Mari, turning in a circle to see if there was a price tag. In the process she sent the fabric fluttering as she went. It made them look more magical than ever.

“There is no price on fabulousness,” said Astrid. She had on loose, black dress pants, a white shirt, and black suspenders with gold blemishes.

“Yes there is,” replied Kevin. “54 euros.”

“54 euros,” exclaimed Mari.

“Well it would have been €34 but you made me spill my coffee and this shirt was 20 so..”

“Seriously, Kev. I will fuck your mom. You think I won’t?” A pause. “Wait, only twenty €20?”

“Oh, I know right! There is this incredible thrift store down on Fleet Street and-”

“Don’t care,” interrupted Mar. She took one last look in the mirror before turning back to him. “I’ll give you your parents' price, not your dramatic ass’s one.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Fine. But it’s an extra €10 for the shoes.”

Mari looked down at her tan sandals. They leaned against the door they just excited to take the footwear off. “Racist,” she muttered under her breath.

“I’m literally Chinese.”

“Homophobic, then.”

“Pansexaul,” he sang.

Mari was silent for a moment before she banged on the door into the room Blessica was changing into her rose pink gown. “Blessie! Do I have permission to call Kev transphobic in your name?”

“Hey,” said Kevin, looking up from his task of rubbing a paper towel across his sheer, white shirt. “That’s cheating. Blessie, don’t listen to them!”

The nickname ‘Blessie’ was what her family exclusively called her. She turned red when they had first found out. Granted, it wasn’t hard to make Blessica blush. All she had to do was stand in Kevin’s general area.

“Blessica,” called Mari once again. When she still didn’t answer, Maria stood up and pressed their forehead against the changing room door. “You okay?”

“No,” Blessica croaked out finally. Her hoarse voice was laced with sorrow. Upon hearing her speak, Kevin abandoned any hope of saving his top and joined Mari at the door. Kit and Astrid were quick to follow.

“Hey,” said Astrid gently. “What’s wrong?”

Blessica began to sob. “The dress doesn’t fit right,” she whimpered.

“That’s okay,” soothed Kevin. “We have other sizes.”

“Kev, it doesn’t fit my body because it wasn’t made for my body. I just feel so ugly.” All the other Merry Hoes made various sounds of distress. Kit was instantly reminded of Dru,

He was suddenly fifteen again. In Ty’s bedroom as he told him of all the times she’d been told she wasn’t pretty by members of the Shadowhunter society. And all the times Emma or Julian or another member of her family had reassured her that she was. The thought occurred to Kit that maybe they weren’t Emma-y as Blessica needed them to be.

“It’s just like,” started Blessica, “I started taking Estrogen seven months ago, you know? And I still don’t have anything to show for it.”

His mind was racing a mile a minute. “Yes you do,” he said.

“I do?” she asked, sounding dubious.

“Your voice!”

“You do have a really nice voice,” agreed Astrid. “You could totally narrate audiobooks or something.”

“No it’s not,” grumbled Kevin.

“Kevin,” said Mari, glaring daggers at him. ‘Kevin’ in this case didn’t mean Kevin. It meant ‘Shut your mouth right or I will actually kill you’.

“No, not like that! It’s just…” he was blushing profusely now. “Her voice is like the rain. Most of the time it’s soft and warm and it wraps you in one big, wet hug. You can’t help but feel, well, blessed to get to feel it touching your skin.. But when it rains hard you feel every single drop land. But no matter what kind of rain it is, the impact is always enormous. Uh, yeah, her voice is like that.” There was a moment of prolonged silence, where Blessica had stopped crying but no one was brave enough to talk.

The door opened and Kit, Kevin and Astrid stumbled backwards. Mari didn’t. Stupid gorgous jock, Kit thought as she survayed her inferiourors.

Blessica stood in the open doorway. Her eyes were puffy and red. The dress looked perfect on her. Not that this style hadn’t looked perfect on Mari but their arms were so thick, they filled up the entire selve. Blessica was so petite you could see her bones clearly through the skin. It highlighted the flowness of the gown extremely well. “You guys like my voice?” Then, “why are you all staring at me, is it that bad?”

“Blessie,” said Mari. “You can’t just put on that in front of four people who like women and expect them not to stare.”

“Respectfully, of course,” added Kit.

“Just tell us if it makes you uncomfortable,” agreed Kevin.

“Step on me,” breathed Astrid.

“But then again,” said Mari, “you validate yourself too.”

“Run me over with a cement truck.”

“We can see your hot as fuck. But more importantly you have to believe you’re hot as fuck.”

“You could literally kill me and I’d get on my knees to thank you.”

Blessica was blushing as hard as Kevin now. They sheepishly smiled at each other before turning away. “Simp,” said Kit and he held out his hand. Astrid dutifully rewarded him with a high five.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am on the trans spectrum but I am not mtf. If you are and you feel misrepresented please feel free to private message me or just leave a comment tell me how I can fix it.

@the-wckd-powers @book-dragon-not-worm @thechangeling @the-blackdale @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @illusions-give-reasons-to-live @shelvesofgold @arangiajoan @maxboythedog @noah-herondale-lightwood @its-taff @cncnbr @sofiatheskeleton @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @adoravel-fenomeno

Let me know if I left anyone out. Also let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list.

[shirlleycoyle]

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon

Every fictional character you can think of has experienced 9/11 in fanfiction.

A Clone Wars veteran with two lightsabers is on United Airlines Flight 93 and prevents it from crashing. Ron and Hermione get caught up in the chaos as the towers fall. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and her friends watch the attacks unfold on TV from Sunnydale. We have spent 20 years trying to process what happened on 9/11 and its fallout, and that messy process can be tracked through the countless, sad, disturbing, and sometimes very funny fanfiction left across the internet.

Many of the fanfics written in the weeks and months following the 9/11 attacks seemed to directly respond to the news as it happened, processing the tragedy in real-time through the eyes of characters they loved. In the absence of a canon episode where Daria Morgendorffer paid respects to those lost, writing fanfic about these characters also experiencing trauma helped fans cope.

One YuGiOh fanfic published on fanfiction.net in May 2002 could have been ripped exactly from what this writer experienced that Tuesday morning. “It started as a normal day,” user Gijinka Renamon wrote. Yugi and his friends were in school, where their teacher informed them of the attacks and sent everyone home from school.

“After reading people’s 9/11 fics, I decided to write my own, and put a certain character in it. And Yugi and his pals were my first choice,” the author's note reads, explaining the connection they felt to United flight 93 and the World Trade Center attacks. Given that they lived in Pennsylvania, and “it’s close to New York, I felt really sad about it.”

Stitch, a fandom journalist for Teen Vogue, told Motherboard that this reaction to 9/11 is not at all uncommon in fandom.

"Fandom has always been a place that positions nothing as 'off limits,'" she said. "Historical tragedies like the Titanic sinking and atrocities like… all of World War 2 show up regularly across the past 30 years of people creating stories and art about the characters they love. So, on some level, it makes sense that 9/11 and the following 20-year military installation in the Middle East has joined the ranks of things people in different fandoms turn into settings for their fan fiction."

Reactions depicted in a handful of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfics published in the weeks after the attacks ring a little truer to the characters. “Tuesday, 11th September 2001,” written by Anna K, almost echoes the lyrics from “I’ve Got a Theory,” one of the songs in the musical episode that aired in November 2001. “We have seen the apocalypse. We have prevented it. Actually, we’ve prevented quite a few. So we know what they look like,” they write, before taking a darker turn. “They look a lot like…New York today.”

Killing demons and vampires doesn’t phase the Scooby Gang, but when preventable human death is brought into the picture, it’s gut wrenching.

“What am I supposed to do…When I can’t do anything to save the world?” Buffy cries  into Spike’s chest, watching the attacks unfold on TV in a fanfic the author described as being “about feeling numb and helpless.”

In “Blood Drive,” Kirayoshi writes about Buffy and her friends saving a van full of donated blood meant for victims of the attacks from a group of thirsty vampires. One Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic even takes a blindly patriotic turn, where noted lesbian witch Tara McClay helps Xander hang an American flag from the window of the magic shop to make Anya feel better.

Experiencing 9/11 as a young teenager was overwhelming not just because of the loss of life. Almost immediately after the event itself, it was as if the entirety of American culture re-oriented itself towards an overtly jingoistic stance. As we get distance from the attacks, seeing the tone of television and movies from the early 2000s is jarring, and some have gone viral on Twitter. In the world of pop music, mainstream musicians like the Chicks, formerly known as the Dixie Chicks, were blacklisted from the radio while Toby Keith sang about putting a boot up the ass of terrorists. On the Disney Channel, a young Shia Labeouf reading a poem he supposedly wrote about the events. The poem concludes with the line, "it's awesome to be an American citizen."

In a world so completely saturated with this messaging, it is not surprising that fanfic authors started including 9/11 in their work so soon after the event. Even The West Wing had a strange, out of continuity, fanfic-esque episode where the characters reacted to 9/11. In some cases, it made sense that the characters in the stories would be close to or a part of the events themselves.

"For characters like John Watson or Captain America, the idea works to an extent," Stitch told Motherboard. "In the original Sherlock Holmes works and the 2011 BBC series, Watson had just returned from Afghanistan. For Captain America and other Marvel heroes, 9/11 was something that was addressed in-universe in The Amazing Spider-Man volume 2 #36. Technically, 9/11 is 'canon' to the Marvel universe."

In “Early Warning: Terrorism,” a fanfiction for the TV show Early Edition in which a man who mysteriously receives tomorrow's newspaper, predicting the future, avoids jingoism, but tries to precent 9/11 from happening. This fanfic remains unfinished; it’s unclear if the characters successfully prevent 9/11 in this retelling.

Largely in fanfic from the era just after 9/11, when many young authors were trying to emotionally grapple with it, the characters don't re-write or undo the events themselves. It's this emphasis on the reaction to tragedy that colors the fanfiction that features 9/11 going forward.

Although fanfiction authors have been writing about 9/11 consistently since soon after the event, whenever that fanfiction reaches outside of its intended audience, it looks bizarre.

A screenshot of a Naruto 9/11 fanfic on the Tumblr subreddit comes without any context, or even more than two lines and an author's note. It’s impossible to suss out if this falls into the category of sincere fanfic without the rest of the piece or a publication date, but modern-day commenters on the Reddit thread see it as classic Tumblr trash.

Screenshot from r/Tumblr

“Bin Laden/Dick Cheney, enemies to lovers, 10k words, slow burn,” one user joked in the replies, underscoring the weirdness of Naruto being in the Twin Towers by comparing it to a What If story about Cheney and Bin Laden slowly falling deeply in love.

It’s hard to tell how much of the 9/11 fanfic and fanart starting a few years after the attacks is sincere, and how much of it is ironic, and trying to make fun of the very concept of writing fanfiction about 9/11.

A 2007 anime music video (in which various clips, usually from anime, are cut together to music) that combines scenes from The Lion King with Linkin Park’s “Crawling” and clips from George Bush’s speeches immediately after the attacks feels like the perfect example of this. Even the commenters can’t seem to suss out if this person is a troll or not.

There’s no way that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic 9/11 fanart could be serious, right? Especially if the description pays tribute to “some of the nation's most memorable buildings,” and features five of the main characters as child versions of themselves. The comments again are split between users thanking the artist for a thoughtful remembrance post, and people making their own headcanon for why Twilight Sparkle is surreptitiously absent from the scene.

Screengrab via DeviantArt

There’s Phineas and Ferb fanfic that combines a 9/11 tribute concert with flashbacks to Ferb being rescued from the towers as a baby, written on the 10th anniversary of the attacks. It jumps from introspection to lines like, “‘Quiet Perry the Platypus. I’m trying to listen to these kids singing a 9/11 tribute.’”

The author's notes make it more likely that they meant for this to be a tribute piece, but it doesn’t quite make sense until watching a YouTube dramatic reading of it from 2020, fully embracing the absurdity of it all.

“For me, 9/11 is synonymous with war. It completely changed the course of my life," Dreadnought, the author of a Captain America fanfic Baghdad Waltz that sees Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes fall in love over the course of the war on terror, told Motherboard. "It’s the reason I joined the military, and I developed deep connections with people who would go on to deploy to Afghanistan and Iraq. These very much felt like my generation’s wars, perhaps because people I graduated high school with were the youngest folks eligible to serve at the time.”

Dreadnought told Motherboard that although they didn't deploy, their career has kept 9/11 and the trauma from it in their mind. After seeing that people who fantasize about Steve and Bucky getting together seemed particularly interested in reading fanfiction that related to 9/11, they decided to try their hand at it.

"I had to do something with all of that emotionally, and I’m admittedly a bit emotionally avoidant. So I learned through fic that it’s easier for me to process those feelings and the knowledge of all the awful stuff that can happen in war if I can turn it into something creative," Dreadnought said. "Give the feelings to fake people and then have those fake people give the feelings to readers!"

To Dreadnought, who is a queer man, the experience of researching and writing this was more cathartic than they first expected, especially as a way to navigate feelings about masculinity, military culture, and queer identity. But they said the research they did, which included watching footage of first responders at ground zero, was what helped them finally process the event itself.

"It was like a delayed horror, and it was more powerful than I expected it would be." Dreadnought said. "When I was eighteen, I was pretty emotionally divorced from 9/11; I just knew I wanted to do something about it. So coming back to it in my 30s while writing this fic, it was a very different experience. Even the research for this story ended up being an extraordinarily valuable exercise in cognitively and emotionally processing 9/11 and all of its second and third order effects."

Fanfiction that features 9/11 provides an outlet for people who still grapple with the trauma from that day. But Stitch warns that the dynamics of fandom and how it relates to politics can also create fiction that's less respectful and more grotesque.

"With years of distance between the stories written and the original events of 9/11, there seems to be some sort of cushion for fans who choose to use those events as a catalyst for relationships—and Iraq and Afghanistan for settings," Stitch said. "The cushion allows them room to fictionalize real world events that changed the shape of the world as we know it, but it also insulates them from having to think about what they may be putting into the world."

The tendency of turning these events into settings or backgrounds for mostly white, male characters to fall in love has the unintended effect of displacing the effects that the war on terror has had on the world over. Steve and Bucky might fall in love during the war on terror, but they would also be acting as a part of the American military in a war that has been criticized since it started. Fanfic writers in other fandoms have come under fire for using real world tragedy as settings for fic before. In the aftermath of the 2010 Haiti earthquake Supernatural fanfiction about the actors Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki going to the island to do aid became controversial within the fandom. There have also been fics where characters grapple with the death of George Floyd that is written in a way that displaces the event from the broader cultural context of race in America.

"A Captain America story where Steve Rogers is a 'regular' man who joins the US Army and 'fights for our freedom' post-9/11 is unlikely to deal with the war’s effect on locals who are subject to US military intervention," Stitch said. "It’s unlikely to sit with what Captain America has always meant and what a writer is doing by dropping Steve Rogers into a then-ongoing conflict in any capacity."

After enough time, “never forget” can even morph into “but what if it never happened?” A 19k+ word Star Wars alternate universe fanfic asks this question, wondering what would have unfolded if someone with two lightsabers was on United Flight 93. This fic, part of a larger fanfic series with its own Wikia, considers what would have happened if Earth was a military front in the Clone Wars.

In this version of events, a decorated general who served in the Clone Wars is able to take back control of Flight 93 before it crashes, landing safely and preventing even more tragedy from happening that day. In the end, all of the passengers who made harrowing last calls to their loved ones before perishing in a Pennsylvania field survive thanks to the power of the Force, and are awarded medals of honor by President Bush.

Twenty years after the attacks, it’s painful to think about what would have happened if people got to work 15 minutes later, or missed their trains that morning. There weren’t Jedi masters deployed to save people in real life, but for some of the fanfic writers working today, the world of Star Wars might feel just as removed as the world before September 11, 2001.

Fiction serves as a powerful playground for processing cultural events, especially generational trauma. The act isn't neutral though; a decade's worth of fanfiction that takes place on or around 9/11 shows how our own understanding of a traumatic event can shift with time.

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 6

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 4012

Warnings:  Pregnancy, smut (bisexual orgy, baby making, edging, over-stimulation, oral sex, anal sex, rough sex, throat fucking, face sitting, vibrators, cock-rings, electrostimulation, multiple orgasms).

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 6: Making a Baby

Immediately after the ceremony, we had to sign all the legal paperwork and we had some photos taken.  The bots Tony had made when we were in Asgard had taken some photos at the bonding but as that had been interrupted by a large battle, there were none posed of us together as a family.  It was definitely nice we got to have this moment recorded when the bigger one hadn’t been.

The sun was setting by the time we walked over to the area on the beach set up with tables and hanging lanterns that would host our reception.  There were two large round tables, one for us and one for the guests, and next to the long tables where the buffet would be set up, there was a small round table with a large cake shaped like the Avengers Tower.

Waiters had been walking around handing out tropical-themed canapés that included coconut shrimp, chicken skewers with pineapple and mango, and mini black bean and corn empanadas, while the band played soft rock songs by Tony’s favorite bands.

When we arrived, the band stopped playing and Rhodey went up to the podium.

“Well, well, well,” he said.  “Looks like our little group of deviates has finally arrived, all official and everything.  Can we all stand and welcome them, complete and whole, and two of them legally married.”

Everyone stood and clapped as we moved up to the dance floor.  Tony and I moved to the center while the other’s circled the edge.  The band began to play ‘Nothing Else Matters’ by Metallica.  Tony spun me into his arms and we began to slow dance to it, turning slowly around the dance floor.  Steve and Bruce stepped out onto the dance floor and Tony spun me into Steve’s arms before turning and pulling Bruce against him.  We danced in pairs for a few bars and Natasha, Wanda, Bucky, and Thor moved in.  Wanda began to dance with me and I kept my cheek pressed against hers as we moved around the floor.  Finally, Sam and Clint moved in and we all switched again.  We spent the rest of the song slow dancing around each other and switching from partner to partner until we had each danced with everyone.

The song ended and we took our seats and Rhodey got back up to the podium.

“Now, we all came here from pretty far away… not like when they dragged our asses to Asgard, but still, it was a trip.  But we all know why we’re here,” Rhodey said as the staff began to set up the buffet with the starters.  “These guys are our family.  So thank you all for coming to celebrate with them.  It looks like they’re bringing out the food.  I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.  Let’s go eat.”

Our table went first.  The buffet was set up in sections.  One had a selection of cold seafood, like shrimp, oysters, and smoked salmon, one had things like crab cakes, different kinds of skewers with things from fish to tofu, stuffed mushrooms, tacos, and warm tartlets with tomato and bocconcini.  There was a salad station, and one with soups, as well as a table full of tropical fruit.  There was also a bar that was specializing in brightly colored tropical cocktails.

“Thank god,” Tony said as he began loading up his plate with crab legs.  “I’m starving.  I’ve been fasting so I’d look good in a suit.”

“Are you kidding?”  Natasha asked.  “You’re basically a coat hanger.  Everything looks good on you.”

Tony chuckled.  “Thanks, Red,” he said.  “But I didn’t want to be all bloated.”

“Well, eat up, you dope,” I teased.  “Gonna need your energy.”

“Already calling me a dope?”  Tony asked.

“You are a dope,” I teased.  “And don’t drink too much either.”

“Wow, Elise,” Tony deadpanned.  “We’re married two minutes and you’re already trying to change me.”

“I need you at your peak performance tonight,” I whispered and headed back to the table with my plate piled high with different things.

“Pfft,” Tony scoffed as he followed along after me.  “That’s what Thor is for.”

“I can only ensure that you are fertile.  I can’t ensure you’ll be able to perform,” Thor said playfully.

“But if you’d like one of us to get Elise pregnant,” Steve added.

“Woah now,” Tony said, putting his hands up.  “Let’s not be hasty here.”

We ate our starters and drank and talked and as the plates were cleared away Rhodey got up to the podium again with a glass of champagne.  Waiters started filling everyone’s glasses.  There was a hibiscus flower in syrup sitting in the bottom of each glass and when the champagne was added to it, the flower appeared to bloom in the glass.

“Now, platypus,” Tony said.  “No bad mouthing me.  You promised.”

“I feel like this speech should have been done in Asgard.  But then there was some battle with angels and it became a little like work.  So we’ll do it here,” Rhodey said.  “I met Tony way back at MIT.  He was just an annoying kid who liked to show up all the students who were at least three years his senior.  But he has a way of growing on you.  I don’t know what I expected him to do with his life.  He was smart and funny and partying hard and that never ended for a long, long time.  For a while, I was worried he was going to burn out hot and leave a pretty corpse.  But it turns out, he’ll most likely outlive us all.  Back then I didn’t really see him as the marrying type.  Yet here we are. At his wedding.  The official Earth one after he just committed himself for 5000 years to 9 other people.  If you’d asked me back then if I thought he’d do that I’d have thought you were as drunk as Tony probably was.”

Rhodey looked over at Tony affectionately and Tony winked at him.  ���I’m so happy for him.  He deserves a happy ending and he’s found it.  I know he loves them all.  And he loves being a dad.  He’s finally seemed to find that exact thing he needed.  A loving family.  I know it’s unconventional.  It took me a long time to understand it.  But Tony isn’t conventional.  Conventional was never going to work.  And while he went in reluctantly at first because a woman he got a crush on was gently leading him in, it’s been exactly what he needed,” Rhodey said and raised his glass.  “So I’d like you all to raise your glasses to finding your people and unconventional love.”

Everyone toasted to unconventional love and clinked their glasses together before taking a drink.  Rhodey returned to his chair, ruffling Tony’s hair as he passed him.

Steve stood and approached the podium.  “That’s quite the speech to be following,” Steve said.  “But I’d like to follow with the same theme about not believing what the future would bring.  I was born in 1918.  Over one hundred years ago.  I had a list of ailments that was taller than I was.  I was told I wouldn’t make it to adulthood.  Despite being told all the things I couldn’t do, I was determined to do them.  I made it to adulthood.  I started dating the boy I had a crush on for so long.  I even managed to ride the Cyclone at Coney Island.  But if you had told me back then, I would not only be marrying that boy but also eight other people, one of them an actual god, on a completely different planet, well, I probably would have had an asthma attack.”

There was laughter from everyone and Steve looked over at us all.  “Here we are though.  I didn’t expect it, let me tell you.  Someone once told me that if it wasn’t for war I was nothing.  It took nine people to make me realize otherwise.  And I love them all.  They each touch a part in me that’s unique and I’m so happy that… well, we all fell into this little arrangement.”  He took a breath and looked over at us.  “It hasn’t been without its obstacles.  But you can’t say you have a strong bond until you’ve overcome some obstacles together.  And we made it.  We’re getting our happily ever after.  So let’s toast to that.  Happily ever after.”

He raised his glass and everyone repeated ‘happily ever after’ while raising theirs.  Steve came back and took his seat and I went up next.

“We like to joke about being in the bad dad’s club,” I said as I stood in front of everyone.  “Most of us have our own stories of parental neglect.  I was raised being told I needed to marry rich, lock him in with some kids, and not care who he was sleeping with.  It made me reject all of that I barely dated.  I expected to just die alone.  And then one day I knocked a certain red-head over when I was running late for work and it changed my life forever.

“I have had my two kids.  And I did marry rich.  I also don’t care who my husband sleeps with. But I don’t think my parents had this in mind.  They’d hate this.  I don’t care.  I am happy.  I love these people.  I love the thing we’ve built together.  I’m excited about our future and what that means.  I’m excited to see how our family grows and what that means for us.  I love them all so much.  I never thought I’d ever want anything like this, but love is like a drug and I’m addicted.  Now I have it, I can’t imagine it being any other way.” I lifted my glass.  “So I ask you to raise your glass to finding your family.”

I took a drink while everyone repeated me and then returned to my seat.  Natasha grabbed my hand as I passed and pulled me down into a kiss.  Tony got up and spanked my ass as he passed me and I made a choked giggle into Natasha’s lips.

“So,” Tony said as he waggled his glass and a waiter came back over to refill it.   “We've all heard I was a bit of a mess. All I ever knew was abuse, manipulation, and neglect. So it took me a while to even think about trying to attempt monogamy. And well, we're here today, so obviously, that didn't work out for me either.”  There was laughter from everyone and Tony paused until it died down.  “These guys started up their little den of iniquity under my nose.  Oh, they invited me to join.  In fact, they told everyone else I was part of it, completely ignoring how closed off and angry I was.  They really didn’t want to take no for an answer, but I guess, I am me, so who can blame them?”  There was more laughter and he looked over at me.  “Then one day, I found this stray roaming around my tower.  I tried to resist her.  I even tried to get FRIDAY to kick her out of the building.  But she managed to crawl right in under my skin and take up residence there.  It hasn’t been smooth sailing. Like Spangles said, there have been some rough and downright scary times.  I kept locking them out, scared I was going to get hurt or end up hurting them.  It took a long, long time for them to teach me they were here for me and I was worth it.  Slowly, I realized I was healing.  That I was in love with all these people.  So I guess that is proof we all have hearts.  So I ask you to raise your glasses to love.  Whatever form it finds you in.”

I got up and kissed him deeply as everyone toasted and he pulled me close.  “I love you so much,” I whispered.

“Alright,” Sam said standing.  “Enough talking. Looks like the second course is here, let’s eat.”

The reception turned a little more party after that.  We ate, danced.  Cut the cake.  Bucky shoved his slice right into Steve’s face much to Tony’s amusement.  The cake was 10 different flavors and I was pretty determined to try them all.  The kids were taken to bed by their aunt and uncle just after the cake and by the time we left I was a tipsy, exhausted, and yet completely hyped up.

“Alright,” Tony said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and kissing my neck.  “Let’s make a baby.”

“Not so fast, Tony,” Steve scolded.  “We all want to be part of this.  We are a family after all.”

“Besides,” Thor said.  “I thought you wanted my assistance.”

“Oh, yes,” I said as Sam approached me.  He ran his hands up under my skirt, pushing it up at the sides as he moved his hands to my ass.

“I don’t like the tone,” Tony said, suspiciously.  “What exactly are you people planning?”

“You people?”  Steve teased, pulling Tony back against him and palming his cock through Tony’s pants.  Sam brought his lips to mine and began to kiss me deeply and lovingly.  “Come on now, Tony.  We’re family.”

Tony made a choked groan and leaned his head back on Steve’s shoulder as Thor approached Tony.  He leaned in and kissed Tony hungrily and slipped one large hand into Tony’s pants and began to massage Tony’s balls.  There was a spark and a ripple through the air and Tony groaned loudly into Thor’s lips.

“All the other babies were conceived in an orgy by accident.  The only reason we know paternity is because Thor just knows that kind of thing,” Natasha said running her fingers down my neck.  “This is the first time we’re planning to get pregnant and we all want to be part of that even if we are planning paternity too.  So, little Elise here is going to be overstimulated.  We’re each going to make her come over and over and over until she can’t take it anymore.” 

Thor released Tony and moved over to me, pressing himself behind me and kissing my neck.  Sam pulled back and Thor tilted my head back and kissed me deeply.  He pressed his palm low on my stomach, just above my pubic mound.  There was that same spark and ripple as with Tony, and a dull ache ran through my core.

“You on the other hand,” Natasha said, grabbing Tony by the lapels and pulling him toward the bed.  “Will be edged until you're begging us to let you come.”

Thor pulled my dress off over my head and everyone else began to undress, either themselves or each other.  Clint picked me up and carried me to the bed tossing me on it.  Tony was on the far side of the bed.  He was naked and Natasha was sitting on his thighs and putting a cock ring on him.

Clint crawled between my legs and pushed them apart kneeling down and nosing at my cunt.  He pulled off my panties and licked a stripe up my folds, making my skin buzz.  Wanda climbed up on the bed beside me and straddled my face.  I hummed and lapped over her cunt, swirling it over her folds and dipping it inside her.  Clint began to flick his tongue over my clit and sucking on my pussy.

My hips jerked under him as Wanda’s rolled on my face and her fluids dripped down into my mouth.  I was vaguely aware that the others were kissing and grinding on each other near me and right on the other side of the bed Thor was sucking Tony’s cock while Natasha rode his face.

Clint thrust a finger inside me and began to suck on my clit.  He hit my g-spot immediately like his fingers had a magnetic attraction to that sweet spot inside me.  He sucked on my clit, flicking his tongue back and forth over it. I moaned loudly into Wanda’s cunt, trying to focus my tongue on her clit, moaning louder each time she shuddered over me.  Clint’s fingers pushed harder and harder on my g-spot sending a jolt up my spine each time he did it.  My legs began to shake as my orgasm approached being fed by the feelings the others had and intensified.  I focussed on Wanda, sucking hard on her clit and pushing my tongue inside her.  I knew she was close too, I could feel it through her thread.  She always sat close to the edge once the rest of us began to enjoy ourselves.  I nipped at her clit and she moaned, coming on my face.  I let myself relax and as soon as I did, Clint pushed hard on my g-spot with two fingers and twisted his wrist.  I screamed out and came hard, bucking my hips against his face.

Clint got up and crawled over to where Tony was and Wanda climbed off me.  Natasha, Steve, and Bucky approached me.   Natasha guided me so I was straddling her face and Bucky pushed me forward so my face was at Natasha’s cunt.  Sam had pulled Wanda into his lap and they were kissing hungrily, while Thor was fucking Tony, and Tony sucked Bruce’s cock.

Bucky poured lube onto my ass and pushed a finger inside, fucking it slowly.  I moaned loudly and nuzzled at Natasha’s cunt as Natasha lapped over mine.  Steve slapped the head of his cock on Natasha's clit and teased it over my lips.  I sucked on the head and he thrust shallowly in and out of my mouth.

More lube was added to my ass along with a second finger.  I mewled and tried my best to relax as Bucky worked to loosen me up.  Steve pulled his cock from my mouth and sunk into Natasha.  I licked over his base and flicked my tongue over Natasha’s clit as Steve began to fuck her.  Bucky pulled his fingers out and added more lube.  I felt the head of his cock press against my ass and he began to ease into my ass.

“Fuck!”  I gasped.  The sound muffled by Natasha’s cunt.

Natasha gave my ass a spank and I clenched hard around Bucky’s cock, making him groan loudly.

Steve was fucking Natasha at a steady pace and I lapped over her cunt and the base of his cock, drinking up her arousal as it ran down his shaft.  Bucky fucked me slowly as Natasha sucked on my clit.  My muscles spasmed and clenched and I struggled to keep myself up.  The way I clenched and moaned seemed to spur Bucky on.  He picked up his pace, adding to the burn through me.  I started panting against Natasha’s cunt and she moaned and bucked under me.  I sucked her clit into my mouth and pressed my lips against it and flicked my tongue back and forth quickly.  Natasha mirrored my action and we both came moaning into each other.  Bucky and Steve fucked us through it before slipping out.  I rolled off the top of Natasha and lay panting as people moved around me.  Thor, Sam, and Bruce approached and I looked up at them and swallowed hard.  “How many times have you climaxed, my queen?”  Thor asked as he lifted me and moved me so my head was hanging over the end of the bed.

“Two,” I answered as I let my head drop over the edge of the bed.  I could see what the others were doing to Tony now, but I knew he was struggling to hold it together.

Sam tutted.  “That doesn’t sound like nearly enough.  I think we might need the vibrator boys.”

He went to the drawers and pulled out a small bullet vibrator.  Bruce and Thor both lubed up their cocks and Bruce put pillows under my hips and eased his cock into my ass.  Thor straddled my chest, pinning me to the mattress and pushed my tits around his thick shaft and slowly began to roll his hips.  Sam gave Bruce the vibrator and he turned it on and pressed it onto my clit.  The setting was low but it still made me buck up and moan loudly.

“Open up, princess,” Sam said.

I opened my mouth and he pushed his cock into my mouth.

Thus began one of the most intense sexual experiences I’ve ever had.

It started slow, Thor massaging my tits as he fucked them slowly, Bruce matched his pace as he fucked my ass and held the vibrator against my clit, and I sucked Sam’s cock.  It very quickly escalated.  Each man seemed to be spurred on by the others.  Bruce started fingering me as he fucked me and Sam started fucking my throat.

The first orgasm hit quickly and Bruce upped the setting of the vibrator.  I cried out and bucked under them and Thor sent a jolt through me making me come again.  Each time I came they went harder and upped the buzz on the vibe.  By the third my vision was going fuzzy thanks to the brutal pace they were setting.  Bruce groaned and jerked hard into my ass coming inside me.  He slipped out and Thor moved down and took his place.  He was large and his cock stretched me painfully, but I was light-headed and fuzzy and I welcomed the pain.  He upped the buzz on the vibrator and I came immediately.

Thor made an almost graphic squelching sound each time he thrust into me as Bruce’s come acted as a lubricant for his cock.  Sam groaned and pulled back slightly as he came into my mouth, coating my tongue with thick, salty ropes of semen.

I moaned and swallowed it but Thor didn’t even seem close.  Bruce and Sam stayed close to me as Thor kept fucking my ass.  Sam massaged my breasts and pinched my nipples and Bruce took over with the vibrator leaving Thor free to just hold my hips and fuck my ass hard.  One orgasm just blended into the next and I couldn’t focus on anything else.  I screamed out and everything went black.  When I came to Thor had moved me a little and was no longer inside me.  “Oh good,” he said smiling.  “Did we push you too far?”

I shook my head slowly.

“Good, because Tony is ready for you,” Thor said, gently and kissed me softly.

He moved away and I opened my arms.  Tony crawled up between my legs.  “I’m not gonna last long,” he said, apologetically as he eased inside of me.

I moaned.  “Good.”

He chuckled and slowly rolled his hips as his body stayed pressed close to me.�� Everything ached but my cunt welcomed him.  I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight and we began to kiss.  Everyone else was just sitting around us watching.  Tony was right though, he was sitting right on the edge and it was only a minute before he groaned and was releasing inside me.  I didn’t care that I didn’t come again.  I had done more than enough of that.  I hummed happily as he filled me and collapsed down on top of him.

“Was that it?  Is she pregnant now?”  Clint asked.

There was laughter in the group.  “Takes a week or so, Clint,” Bruce said, with no patronization in the tone, just kindly educating his husband.

“It will, though, right?”  Clint asked.

“They are both at peak fertility,” Thor said.  “It still may not happen and I would recommend that Elise and Tony try again tomorrow.  But it should work.”

I hummed and kissed Tony’s neck. “You hear that?”

He hummed in return.  “Yeah.  More sex or us.”

I giggled and nudged his cheek with my nose.  “Not that part.”

He laughed and kissed me just under my ear.  “Yeah.  We’re gonna have another baby on the way.”

// NEXT

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

My mind was plagued with thoughts of the episode where the kids think Perry laid an egg and the comic where Perry saves a baby platypus from Doof, and that got me thinking: what if Perry was actually a dad to a baby platypus? One possibility is that Perry wouldn't want his child to become an agent at such a young age and would rather have his kid decide if they want to do it when they're older, but I believe that either way, the young platypus would inherit Perry's anthropomorphism.

oh my god I’ve never even thought about Dad!Perry before 🥺 I thought his relationship with the Flynn-Fletcher kids was wholesome but that has some real potential to become the superior relationship

obligatory “read more” to save everyone who doesn’t care how I feel about Dad!Perry

Okay first I gotta ask how we think this would happen. Is it the egg from Perry Lays An Egg that hatches, except it really is a baby platypus and Perry ends up taking it in because no one else can? Or is it Perry taking one of Doof’s platybabies home? Or is it trans!Perry laying his own egg? Or Perry has sex with another platypus (that’s such a weird thought lmao) and somehow he becomes the sole guardian of the egg? As the numero uno “Perry is an asexual demibiromantic platypus” stan, I kinda like the first or second one, but I also feel like the platybaby should be related to him? But at the same time Phineas and Ferb is all about how family don’t end in blood so maybe that’s not important?

Anyways onto Dad!Perry because holy shit I’m excited to explore this

I’m gonna start at the end of the ask by saying that I feel like anthropomorphism isn’t genetically inherited; I feel like it’s something that’s taught. It’s kinda a nature vs nurture type thing so I guess it’s more a psychological debate than anything, but if I had to channel my inner English teacher and draw evidence from “the text” (aka the show), I gotta bring up the koi from Attack of the 50 Foot Sister that were just kinda vibin in the neighbors’ pond at the beginning of the episode and then Monogram had to make them agents to avoid a lawsuit and by the end they were saving Perry’s ass? Which is relevant to literally nothing except that I think any baby animal Perry raises, regardless of whether or not they’re related to him by blood (or even by species), will probably turn the lil baby into an anthropomorphic lil platybaby just because of all the human and human-like influences

And now the elephant in the room (cue OWCA Files Agent E joke): how does OWCA react to the news? Which I guess is really a follow-up question to how OWCA finds out in the first place. I think we can all agree that Perry won’t want to tell them. It’s not like he sees the other agents as friends that he wants to invite to the baby shower. But Monogram would want to know if there’s a new player in the Flynn-Fletcher house not that he knows who lives there now; that’s Carl’s area of expertise. Would he have to tell them? Is there a protocol for that? Especially if it’s just an egg he picks up from The Tree™ in the backyard. That’s basically just getting a new pet, right? And sure, Monogram would want to know, but is Perry legally obligated to tell him is the question.

But Monogram has to find out one way or another, and given that Perry is the best of the best, Monogram is going to want his kid in the club. Perry would 100% say no, too, but I don’t know if it would be because he wants his son (yes it’s a boy platybaby no I don’t know why) to have his own say in his future; I think Perry would consider OWCA too dangerous for his son. I mean, we saw what happened when Phineas, Ferb, and Candace got mixed up in his job: they were almost eaten by a goozim and the tri-state area was almost taken over by an evil dictator. He would definitely want to keep his son out of that scene if he could. At least all the dangers at home are Phineas-and-Ferb-sponsored, and unlike OWCA, they would make sure he didn’t get hurt.

Buuuut Monogram is also a dumbass and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer, so he’d keep pushing. It has to be a well-known fact around OWCA that changing Agent P’s mind about anything is not an easy feat, so maybe when Monogram realized it was a lost cause, he’d try to go around Perry’s back? Maybe while Perry was at work, he’d head to the Flynn-Fletchers’ house (or send Carl again like Undercover Carl) to try to get the platybaby alone? He could explain what OWCA is and that he would make a perfect candidate. I doubt Perry would have told his son about OWCA in any detail yet other than the fact that he works there and that’s where he goes every day, so this would all be new and interesting. And then Perry either comes home when Monogram or Carl is talking to his son about OWCA or his son brings it up himself, and Perry is fuming because he made it very clear that he didn’t want OWCA anywhere near his family. 

And now I can’t help but wonder if that would cause bigger problems between him and OWCA? What if that’s his breaking point, and he just flat-out quits because if they can’t respect his very few boundaries, he doesn’t owe them anything? And assuming the platybaby didn’t come from Doof, maybe that’s how they meet? Somehow he finds out that the reason there’s a new agent working his case is that Perry’s out on “permanent paternity leave” or something, and word gets back to Perry somehow (maybe Pinky heard it through the grapevine and told him? idk) that Doof wants to meet him? And Perry’s kinda wary buuuuut at the same time, Doof isn’t his nemesis anymore. If you take OWCA out of the equation, aren’t they just friends? 

WAIT A SECOND

IMAGINE HOW NORM WOULD REACT TO SEEING A BABY PLATYPUS

LIKE

I DON’T KNOW WHY

BUT NORM WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BABY PLATYPUS

and Doof would get kinda annoyed because “He came here so I could meet the baby, you know,” and usually that’s enough to convince Norm that he’s doing something wrong, but this time Norm is just like, “But I love him?” And Doof expects Perry to back him up and he probably should but at the same time, his son looks so happy with Norm? Without OWCA’s training, he still has that platypus aspect to his personality that comes from both his animal instinct and how the Flynn-Fletchers treat him, so he’s just kinda snuggled up in Norm’s lap and Norm is just petting him?

And this is probably after he’s shown some human-like features and Doof knows that he’s about as human as Perry, so he asks, “Does he like being pet?” and Perry nods because duh of course he does and Doof just kinda looks at him for a moment and he’s like, “Do you like to be pet?” and Perry just fuckin decks him because no he does not yes he does and Doof just nods like, “Okay, fair enough.”

AND THEN VANESSA WALKS IN???

and she had absolutely no idea this was happening she’s about to go drop her stuff off in her room for the weekend and Norm’s like, “Look at my new friend!” and Vanessa thinks it’s gonna be something stupid but she walks over and sees the baby platypus and she starts freaking out because holy shit Perry is that yours? and obviously she needs to know literally everything there is to know about him because this is her nephew now and she will not take no for an answer.

And I feel like OWCA really wouldn’t like this? I mean, Perry completely severed ties with them over this platybaby, and now he’s bringing his son over to DEI at least twice a week to see his former nemesis? And idk what they would do about it because I don’t think there’s an actual protocol for this, but Monogram is Very Sensitive™ and he won’t stand for this.

Also and I’m totally just spit-balling here but what if, because the platybaby is kinda also being raised by the Doofenshmirtzes (and the Flynn-Fletchers but idk if that would make much of a difference here bc he has to pretend to be a mindless pet around them like his dad), he gets the best of the human and animal experience all in one, without all the shit Perry had to deal with from OWCA? And what if that somehow leads him to be able to speak? I don’t quite know how that would work, mostly because I don’t really know what prevents Perry from speaking, but we already went into that back in May so I’m not gonna go there again lol

okay I’m pretty sure it’s been over two hours since I started working on this ask but I can’t help it because this is literally such a cute idea fjdshflakfa I don’t even know if I’d be content reading this like I feel like this is just something I want to write. I kinda want to see how Phineas and Ferb would treat him, and if they’d treat Perry any differently now that a) he’s a dad and b) there’s a new platypus for them to love. I also want to see how Candace would handle probably falling in love with the platybaby but still getting annoyed by Perry. I really want to see what Vanessa and Norm’s relationship with the platybaby would turn into. Idk so much about the Doof/platybaby relationship though; I feel like I’d be more interested in how this affects the Doof/Perry dynamic instead. Something about Doof makes me think he wouldn’t be as easily swayed by the platybaby as everyone else, but the fact that Perry would now be a dad just like him would probably make him unreasonably happy. And that’s not even touching upon how different life would be for Perry now that he has a son, and he would obviously adore the little guy with his entire being, but, like, he has a son? How is he supposed to deal with that?

also I really should’ve given the platybaby a name to make this more readable and it’s a little too late for that but I hereby decree that his new temporary name until such time as this fic gets written is Horatio (unless y’all wanna hit me up with your platybaby name ideas because I would love to see them?) so welcome to the Dwampyverse, Horatio :,)

[lady-griffin]

Avatar both Korra and Aang legends?

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my -- 

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Favorite character: Aang, Katara, Toph, or Zuko (I can’t decide)

Least Favorite character: Pakku (his sexism was only really “solved” by Katarina being the granddaughter of the women he was once betrothed too – it felt forced and weak. I also didn’t like him letting Katara call him grandfather (or a version of that), but not Sokka. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Zutara, Kataang, Zuko x Mai, Sokka x Suki, Mai x Ty Lee

Character I find most attractive: Katara, also definitely June

Character I would marry: Sokka or Suki

Character I would be best friends with: Katara or Suki

a random thought: Are the combo animals their own unique species or are the animals in the Avatar world able to reproduce with different animals and just over time, those half babies were able reproduce as well, and thus becoming their own species. 

That would explain the existence of both Solo Animals and Combo Animals. Example: Bears (Solo), Armadillo Bears and Platypus Bears (Combo) 

If that’s the case does that mean, the interspecies mixing happened millions and millions maybe a billion years ago, if so, is that why solo animals (cats, bears) are so rare while combo animals are the majority? 

Solo animals are super rare, which makes me think Bosco was like a super expensive/valuable gift to the King - showing his status as King. 

Turtle Ducks are the greatest thing ever.

An unpopular opinion: I never really thought “The Great Divide” was as awful as people make it out to be. It’s certainly not my favorite, but I was surprised when I learned how much people truly hated it.

My Canon OTP: Kataang

My Non-canon OTP: Zutara

Most Badass Character: Azula, also Kyoshi 

Most Epic Villain: Azula and Ozai

Pairing I am not a fan of: Azula x Ty Lee (I don’t hate it, but given how toxic their relationship was, I can’t say I’m a big fan)

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): 

Not a character, but I thought that having Fire Lord Sozin banned homosexuality (in the comics) felt very weird to me and not in line with the Fire Nation. Out of the three remaining nations, the Fire Nations seemed the most “progressive” in terms of equality for women or more accurately for the goal of world domination they were willing to used everything and everyone they had.

It’s also interesting see how each nation and their relative status in terms of morality and their relation to female warriors/fighters/ 

The Fire Nation (Bad) has the most female fighters. We see actual women in the army, female prison guards, as well as the most individual named fighters/characters – Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, June, Lo and Li. Azula’s teachers must have been on an entirely different level than everyone else, as neither one was a fire-bender, but yet they were charged with being Azula’s mentors and teachers in regards to fighting and fire bending.

The Northern and Southern Tribes (Good) have pretty sexist views. Sokka is pretty sexist in the beginning (he had to learn that from somewhere), in Katara’s introduction all the men left (not all that were capable) and Sokka felt as the only teenaged male it was his duty to be in charge/protect everyone.

We literally have episodes that explored the sexism of The Northern Tribe and it literally takes Katara throwing down with an old man from them to start to change. And to my knowledge, there are only two named female water benders – Katara and Hama, maybe the healer in the northern tribe had a name(?), but the fact that I would have to look up her name, if she has one (proves my point). Her name is Yugoda. We don’t have any non-bender female fighters for the Water Tribes. 

The Earth Kingdom (Neutral) has Suki, Avatar Kyoshi and the Kyoshi warriors (unnamed), June, and the girl from Jet’s gang, but the only living female earth bender we ever see is Toph, aside from her we only ever see male earth benders.

The Air Nomads (Strive For/Good) seem to treat everyone as equals, but women and men lived and were raised separately.

So, it just felt lazy to say oh the fire nation is ruled by an oppressive regime and the regime is bad and banning/outlawing same-sex couple is also bad – so there.

When I think you could’ve had a very interesting story, when the Water Tribes who we’ve seen have the most backwards views on women, being the nation to ban same-sex marriages/relationships.

Avatar was very good on the whole – “It’s not that simple” and “Oh god, it’s so much more complicated -  so, I think it would’ve been a very interesting storyline to have The Water Nations have been the ones to ban same-sex relations, while maybe the Fire Nation maybe took after some ancient (Greece/Roman societies) where some thought a soldier would fight harder if they were fighting and protecting their lover/love.

Also, maybe in the recovery period. The Fire Nation wants to have same-sex be legal, but as they were were literally trying to take over the world and systematically tried to destroy other nations and colonize,  the Water Tribes don’t want their traditions and customs being dictated by those of the Fire Nation. I don’t know, that could’ve been very complicated and nuance story. 

It just seemed lazy to me and sort of ignoring what they’ve already set up in their canon universe, on purpose or not. 

 Favorite Friendship: Momo and Appa, Aang and Sokka, Aang and Zuko, Aang and Toph… Aang with anyone really

Character I most identify with: I don’t think I really identify with anyone, but when it came out, definitely Mai.

Character I wish I could be: Mai or Ty Lee

Avatar: The Legend of Korra

Favorite character: Korra 

Least Favorite character: Varrick, Unalaq (weak villain), Mako (at times)

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Korrasami, Bolin x Opal, Korralin, Kai x Jinora, Makorralin (…I’ve read a lot good smut of these guys, so yeah...)

Character I find most attractive: Asami

Character I would marry: Asami

Character I would be best friends with: Jinora

a random thought: Why did they have Korra sleeping on her bed with shoes on in season one… that will forever bother me.

An unpopular opinion: I’m have no idea if this is unpopular, but I think Bumi getting air-bending was such a copout. There was something very interesting about the child of two of the most powerful benders (literally his dad is the avatar and his mother was the avatar’s water bender teacher) being a non-bender and that really could’ve been explored. It felt “cheap” to give him air-bending…I was never a fan of that

Also, it bothered me that the Tenzin, Kya, and Bumi all had skin tones that matched perfectly with their respected powers/lack of powers and also they all dress with that same mind set. As one of the first mixed families we really get to see, It would’ve been nice, if their styles of clothing were different or combos of Air Nomad, Water Nation and Earth Kingdom (given where they lived). 

Having only Tenzin be the only we see dress as an Air Nomad and later Bumi (when he gets air-bending) definitely gives credence to the idea that Bumi definitely had a reason for thinking he didn’t truly belong in the Air Nation.

I think Legend of Korra loss a good opportunity of introducing the first mixed families/kids, but still had them dress in regards to their respected element 

It felt weird that Bolin and Mako, dressed with their specific element color. 

Especially since Republic City was this huge diverse city, with influences and people from across the four nations. 

My Canon OTP: Korrasami

My Non-canon OTP: Korralin/Gender-Reverse Korralin

Most Badass Character: Korra

Most Epic Villain: The Red Lotus

Pairing I am not a fan of: Makorra, I was a huge fan of them when it started, but honestly as the show continued and looking back at it, their chemistry was off after the second episode. They had such a great set-up with the gazing end and music, but after that it was downhill.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Not so much a character, but Aang and Katara and their relationship with their children never felt right to me. 

In general, though, I think the creators struggled in finding the right groove for many of the characters if not all of them, at one point or another. 

Favorite Friendship: Korra and Asami, Korra and the Airbending Kids

Character I most identify with: Jinora and Ikki

Character I wish I could be: Asami

[xoexoxhoe]

Monsta X Reacts: Baby’s First Words

@pckmx Request: “Monsta X reaction to his baby’s first words”

A/N: Ahhhh a Monsta X request! So happy! Here’s to all the monbebe’s out there! And thank you so much for the request girl, this was such a cute one to write! Hope ya’ll like it! 

Monsta X & Y/N

Shownu:

Shownu was an amazing father, husband, and everything in between. When he’d come back from the studio, the first thing he’d do is greet you in the kitchen, and kiss your beautiful daughter who sat comfortably in the high chair next to the counter.

One night, you both were eating dinner, discussing what he should eat for his next episode of Nunu’s Yum Yum Yum. Of course, this happened every Sunday night, regardless if Shownu was eating or not, as he always thought of food.

He sat next to your baby, cutting her food for her and playing with her, making her laugh each time he’d put a chopstick on his lips while puckering them, holding it in place with his nose.

You couldn’t help but feel warm inside as he kept interacting with her. Tonight was your turn to clean the kitchen, and you cleared the table quickly, letting Shownu enjoy himself.

In the next two minutes, you heard Shownu begin shouting from the dining room. You dropped the dishes in the sink, turning around with soap covering your arms only to find Shownu with your baby in his hands, raising her above his head as if she’s Simba from ‘The Lion King’.

“Honey! She said- she said my name! She said ‘da-da’! I am Da-da!”

You turned back around to face the sink both in frustration and with laughter, hitting the counter, “Shownu, you gave me a heart attack- And, Honey, please don’t let our daughters head hit the ceiling.”

He slowly brought the baby back down, resting her on his muscular forearm, “But… she said da-da…”

Wonho:

Wonho never really wanted to get married, nor did he want children at first. But, as soon as he met you, things changed. He wanted kids, and he wanted an amazing life with you by his side.

When you both had your first baby boy, he was adorable and couldn’t contain his happiness. He laughed at the way your baby gripped his fingers, saying that he would be just as strong as him some day. When your baby cooed, he’d always sing and tell you, “Y/N, he’s gonna have the best voice, I can feel it.”

One night, Wonho came home late from the gym and his training. You had already began to put the baby to bed, but he insisted on carrying him around the house, calling it his ‘cool down’ after his workout.

You sat in your bedroom, folding clothes and watching a new tv show when Wonho came back into the room, handing you the baby.

“Babe, it talked.”

You looked at your little boy, laughing as he began to knock over your first pile of shirts, “Wonho, it’s a baby, they begin to talk around this age- and wait why did you say ‘it’ he has a name, babe, you gave it to him.” You giggled uncontrollably.

Wonho just shook his head furiously, “No ways! I refuse to believe it!” Tears started to stream down his face, “He’s growing up, and I don’t like it.”

Your baby babbled another word, this time saying ‘mama’ in a cute voice. Wonho tossed his head back, falling to the floor, “Look at him now! Talking back to you already! Oh my gosh! Say sorry to your mother right now!”

You couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the night.

Minhyuk:

Minhyuk loved to sit in bed with your baby, holding an iPad for the both of them, watching the most obscure animal planet documentaries, history channel marathons, and anything that had education.

Minhyuk always talked to her, “This; this is a platypus, I don’t want you to touch it, alright?” Your baby would just look at her dad and smile, sometimes cry if he got really stern with his passion on how cute puppies were.

One day, you came home from work only to see him jumping up and down in the living room, screaming for you.

You ran in and he grabbed your wrist, telling you to jump with him. Your baby began to look at him, then to you, before babbling the words, “papa”.

You both turned to each other screaming, picking her up and running around the house with her, telling her to do it again, even though she began to cry once Minhyuk lifted her up and started singing. He handed her off to you and grabbed his phone, immediately videotaping her.

You both sat in bed with her for the next two hours, taking videos and listening to her babble even more words like ‘mama’, and ‘puppy’, to which your Minhyuk was quite happy.

He texted in the group chat with his fellow MX members, saying that your baby finally spoke. He constantly sent them videos and pictures of her saying puppy, telling the members that she’d make it on Ellen soon enough, only making your heart flutter even more.

He laid in bed with you that night, telling you about how he truly wished to hear her say platypus, only to which you replied that it would probably be too hard for her still.

The next morning, to no surprise, you found Minhyuk straining to teach your daughter the word platypus. “Repeat after me, baby. Pla-”

“Pa-”

“typus”

“pa”

He threw his arms up yelling, “Close enough! Honey, hurry up and grab the camera we’re taking this to Ellen!”

Kihyun:

Kihyun was a great dad, but throughout the entire time leading up to your baby’s first words, he always taught your child how to say ‘mama’.

You’d find him in the kitchen, singing to her the word ‘mama’ alone over and over again, always finding it really adorable yet strange how he was so eager for her to speak the word ‘mama’. 

The day that she said her first words, you both were on the couch, talking about work while watching her play. She sat up and began saying ‘mama’ repeatedly, to which you started freaking out.

Kihyun’s face was filled with surprise, causing him to stand up and run in place, unsure of what he should do.

"Should I grab the recorder? Use my phone? Should I call your mom?”

You pulled him back down, “No! Don’t- just- let’s watch her again.”

Another word slipped from her lips, this time it was “da-da” on a constant loop.

Kihyun looked to you, “She said dada?”

You nodded in excitement, “I taught her!”

Kihyun looked to you, “I taught her mama… why’d you teach her dada?”

You bit your lip, “I… I wanted her to call you instead of me at night because I want to sleep…”

Kihyun stood up from the couch, “I WAS DOING THE SAME THING, WHAT THE ACTUAL-”

Hyungwon:

Hyungwon held your baby to his chest one night, playing with him and patting his back while he stayed fussy

He gave up bouncing him up and down once his arms got tired, telling you that it was too much work for one night and by the time he finished being a father, he expected to be as big as Wonho

“Honey, that’s impossible.” You laughed, grabbing the baby from him

“So is Wonho, but here we are.” He brushed back his hair and you couldn’t help but snort at his response.

Your baby fiddled with your hair and Hyungwon watched as the little one grabbed your shirt, attempting to say something but closing his mouth before saying anything, continuing to mumble random sounds

Hyungwon had his eyes wide, “Babe… is- is this how people feel when they expect me to say something but I don’t during fan signing?”

You burst into hysterical laughter, “HYUNGWON? What?”

He sat back, staring his baby in the eyes, “Say something, little one. I dare you.”

Your baby looked at him, touching a hand to his nose before stuttering, “Da-da.”

Hyungwon threw his hands up, “AIGOOOO. I promise I’ll never not say what’s on my mind anymore goodness the anxiety killed me.”

Jooheon:

Jooheon always had the baby with him, barely letting you get more than five minutes alone with your beautiful baby girl, but you didn’t mind because it was the cutest thing to see him interact with her.

He always brought her to the studio with him, waltzing her in with oversized earphones and making her stick her tongue out to the fellow MX members who only melted over her deep dimples and bright smile.

Every time he’d write music or raps, he’d sit with your daughter on the dining table, constantly running things by her as she babbled away at nonsense. Eventually, she’d cry when he made too much serious faces, which led him to doing his ‘Circle, Square, Star in my heart’ routine that even you couldn’t resist.

One day, you went to the studio with them, meeting the rest of MX while watching your baby since Jooheon was in the booth.

He stepped out and she lifted her arms to him, “Da-da!” She screeched, causing you to look up at Jooheon whose jaw was already gaping, you yourself barely being able to contain your excitement.

All the members were screaming as well, everyone freaking out and pinching your daughter's cheeks, asking her to say something else, but she became overwhelmed and started to cry.

Jooheon picked her up, putting her on his hip and walking into the booth, clicking on the monitor to speak, “Everyone, please welcome the eighth member of Monsta X, my beautiful baby girl, who’s definitely better than you, Kihyun. Now, let’s get to work people as she is kind of heavy and I think she has a soiled diaper.”

I.M:

I.M became nervous every time he picked up the baby, but you reassured him, “Honey, he can walk a bit, just hold on to his hand.”

He’d wince once the baby would latch onto his shirt, pulling at his suit jacket as well, “Y/N, oh my god, babe, no I can’t.” You left the room, leaving him to fend for himself, but after about five minutes, you already heard loud beats thumping from his recording room.

You pushed the door open, seeing your baby playing with blocks on the floor, wearing large earphones as IM worked on a beat. He turned around, “Babe, I’m gonna drop a mixtape soon, and I need to have our baby on it.”

You raised an eyebrow, “Honey, he doesn’t even speak yet.”

IM lifted a finger, “Wait just a minute, mama.” He picked up his baby by the hands, bringing him to stand while taking a few shaky steps and gripping IM’s fingers. Your baby started looking at you and saying “Mama!”

You gasped, placing your hands over your mouth before laughing, “He spoke already?!”

IM nodded his head, “And of course, I recorded it the second time and started to make the beat. Our son’s a natural, Y/N.”

Your eyebrow twitched, “Changkyun… You mean to tell me... YOU DIDNT CALL ME WHEN HE SAID HIS FIRST WORDS?”

IM’s scrunched his nose, sheepishly smiling before placing the baby on his lap and swiveling his chair around, pressing the spacebar on his monitor to have the loud bass begin to play.

“CHANGKYUN!”

[yoon-kooks]

Blossom🌸

Pairing: Stripper!Jimin x Reader

Genre: Stripper!AU, College!AU, Fluff

Summary: You infiltrate your local strip club to gather research and inspiration for your next painting and end up bringing home a stripper who also happens to be your cute neighbor.

Warnings: stripping, mentions of sex 

Word Count: 3.3k 

⤐ Story 1 in the Blossom!Universe; Read Blossom-pt.2 on my masterlist!

A/N: i know what yall are thinking!!! this is a stripper!au without smut??? but theres a good chance ill be writing more drabbles in this universe so look out for those!🌸

“Cute.” Your studio arts professor hands you back your print sample of a swimming platypus.

“…Is it not good?” You examine the print again to see where you went wrong. If anything, you thought this painting had turned out a lot better than the one of a goblin shark.

“Y/N, it’s amazing. It really is,” she tries to reassure you with a chuckle, but you know there’s something wrong with it. “It’s just… you’ve practically drawn the entire animal kingdom this semester.”

“…and?”

“Don’t you think you should try painting something else…? Like, I don’t know… a human?”

“But I’m more comfortable with animals.”

“That’s what I mean! You should try stepping out of your comfort zone? Plus, your portfolio will look better with more of a variety!”

“And how do you suppose I all of a sudden get inspiration for painting a human subject? I need something before the exhibition tomorrow.”

“I don’t know, try going to a strip club or something?” Your professor thinks she’s funny. “Just be creative!”

-

You lay on the floor of your dorm, desperately searching for inspiration. With animals and nature, it’s so easy for you to just sit down and paint whatever comes to mind. But with humans? You don’t even know where to start, and it certainly doesn’t help your concentration when a puppy is barking on the other side of the wall like it’s begging for you to draw it.

And in addition to the barking, you’re also being harassed by the constant replaying of your professor’s advice. Sure, you’d like to paint something that your professor and peers will approve of, but that becomes awfully difficult when what they want is not what you want. You just wish you could paint another animal and be done. But now even that’s impossible when all you can think about is trying to make everyone else satisfied.

“Shit.” You drag yourself off the floor, thrown on a fuzzy sweater, and walk out of your dorm with a sketchbook and pencil.

To your surprise, sneaking into a strip club undetected is a lot easier than one would think. And once you’re in, you squeeze your way through the crowd, inspecting the flashy lights, the booming stereos, and the big stage until you spot a table for one in a secluded corner. Perfect. No one will bother you there.

When the main show starts, the first thing you do is flip open your sketchbook with your pencil ready to draw. The second thing you do, however, is yawn. You aren’t sure what people enjoy about strangers prancing around naked on stage, but it could just be an acquired taste. Although the strippers are attractive and they have beautiful bodies, you’re just not interested nor inspired. Maybe it’s your artist block acting up, but it seems you’ve wasted your time.

Before you can get up to leave the club, you’re alarmed by a sudden eruption of screams. Giving it one last chance, you glance up and see the spotlight on an incredibly handsome boy in all white, running his fingers through his dark hair. Still fully clothed, he dances, moves, spins on stage, and somehow it’s so different from the previous acts. So much that you forget where you are until he flips his jacket off his shoulders and tosses it aside as he continues to dance.

The way he graces the stage is elegant and almost angelic. You flip your sketchbook back open and wait for the demon to show itself. He makes his way down the catwalk to engage more with the crowd, and money’s already being thrown before his body’s even exposed. Once he loses his tank, however, the cheering gets twice as loud and the stage is showered with crumpled bills. But you don’t have time to worry about that.

For the first time that night, your pencil starts gliding across the page in your sketchbook. You roughly sketch out his body, his motions, his movements, his smirks. You’re too busy drawing to notice when he catches a glimpse of you as he kicks his pants off to reveal a very healthy ass, or when he teases several customers with his rolls and thrusts.

With several pages filled with new sketches, you hear the collective aww from the crowd, assuming that means the handsome boy is done for the night. The only one in the crowd who isn’t sad is you, because you finally collected all the research material you need to be inspired. And before you leave, you decide to flesh out the details of what you witnessed, in case the vivid images and inspiration escape you before returning home.

“Would you like a drink or a dance, Baby?” A stripper with pastel mint hair eyes you up and down, leaning against the table with his head cocked to the side. You’re shocked he even bothered approaching you when you didn’t tip at all. Unless that’s what he’s after.

“Uhh, no thanks, I was actually just on my way out,” you throw your sketchbook and pencil into your bag and get up to leave.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Sweetheart. Did you not enjoy your stay? Maybe I could change that.” The stripper continues to pester you, and you wonder if the smallest tip will help you escape.

“This one’s with me, Sugar.” An unknown voice appears behind you as the stripper named Sugar shrugs and walks over to another customer waving their money around.

With a sigh of relief, you turn around, only to have your heart racing again in an instant. It’s the handsome boy you had sketched. Only instead of wearing an all-white costume, he’s now engulfed in an oversized black hoodie. You assume he’s off duty, so you aren’t sure why he’s approaching you like the other stripper had.

“Are you the freeloader everyone’s talking about?” he asks you.

“I suppose I am…” You look around and realize you’re probably the only broke college kid at the club, hence the only one who can’t afford to throw money around for lap dances.

“Can you at least show me your sketches?”

“What.”

“I saw you drawing something in your sketchbook during my performance earlier,” he does a cute little drawing gesture with his hand. “If you aren’t going to tip anything, the least you can do is show me what you drew.”

You suppose he’s right. Besides, you really do appreciate it when people take interest in your art, so you hand him your sacred sketchbook and watch as his expression changes from curious to awe.

“Are you an art student?” he asks while flipping through the quick sketches of his body.

“Yeah, I was just gathering research for a painting I need to do for tomorrow’s exhibition.”

“Oh? And I’m your muse?” He hands you back your sketchbook and catches a glimpse of your name written in the corner of the cover. “Y/N?”

You nod, getting your pencil ready to jot something down.” And may I ask what my muse’s name is?”

“It’s Jimin, part-time stripper, full-time dance student.”

“Wait, you’re a student, too?” You know you shouldn’t be surprised because the boy does look around your age, but still. You didn’t realize strippers had time for school obligations on top of work. “Which school?”

“Seoul Institute of the Arts.” No. That can’t be. There’s no way this handsome stripper goes to the same school as you. “Why do you look so shocked…?”

“I go there, too…” You shrink your body as if that’ll help you hide. You’re suddenly feeling super shy. “But you don’t happen to live in the dorms, do you…?”

“I do… Do you…?”

You nod.

-

“So what you’re trying to say is, we’re neighbors?” Jimin says as he stands outside his dorm, room 324, and you stand outside of yours, 325.

“I guess-” You’re cut off by a cute bark. “That’s your puppy making all the noise then?”

“Uh, yeah… I got her a week ago after saving up enough from work,” he opens the door and a tiny white fluff ball stretches its body in the door way before trotting over to greet you. You squat down to say hi to the little puppy who gives you her paw. “But anyway, the whole stripper thing needs to stay between you and me, yeah?”

Of course you have no intentions of letting people know you infiltrated a strip club anyway, so that means you also can’t be telling them your neighbor is a secret stripper. But Jimin doesn’t know that, and you’re going to use that to your advantage. “Okay, yeah, I won’t tell anyone… as long as you agree to be my model for the rest of the night.” You open your door and gesture for him to come in.

Jimin scoops up the feisty puppy and tucks it comfortably under his arm. “I thought I already was your model?”

“All you have to do is pose for me for a few hours,” you say, leading the stripper into your dorm-turned studio.

“Naked?”

“Shirtless is fine.” Anything more than that would be far too much for your eyes. You pretend not to peek as he promptly removes his hoodie and t-shirt to reveal a picture-perfect torso and something you didn’t catch as the club. You tilt your head to get a better look at the word inked to his ribs. Blossom. “Is that the name a stripper girl you’re in love with?”

“For your information, Blossom is the name of that little one over there,” he points over to where his puppy is trying to dig a hole into your pillow before brushing his fingers over his tattoo. “But, it’s also just a reminder to myself.”

You nod, “Ooh, fascinating…” Once all of your art supplies are set up on your cluttered desk, you glance up at the clock on the wall. Midnight already. “I’ll keep that in mind for my painting.”

The boy has a lot of good poses, some suggestive, others charming. One second he’ll be licking his lips with his hands at his belt, and the next he’s laying on your bed while running his fingers through his hair. Oh, and he also has this really cute smile when he’s watching you be so immersed in your art.

Once you decide on a pose to paint (the one on his back with the fingers running through his hair!), you hop off your chair and walk over to the half-naked boy on your bed. He blinks up at you with either innocent eyes or inviting eyes—you aren’t really good at telling the difference. You don’t know what he was expecting, but his face looks awfully surprised when you extend your phone for him to take.

“Can you take a pic of yourself in That™ position?” You do the fingers-running-through-hair thing.

“You don’t want to take the picture yourself?”

You shake your head.

“You don’t want to get on top of me and see with your own eyes?”

You shake your head again. He chuckles as he sits up, doing the fingers-running-through-hair thing a couple of times. Must be a habit. You didn’t notice the fifty other times he did the hair thing, but this time you’re made aware of his cherry blossom cologne, its alluring scent trying to pull you closer. But you know to keep a distance.

“You’re no fun to flirt with, you know that?” It almost looks like he pouts before finally taking your phone and tossing himself back against your mattress.

“I’m a lot flirtier when I don’t have a project due in less than ten hours.”

“Really?”

“No.” Your answer makes him frown, but he takes the selfies you asked for anyway.

You watch your bed sheets wrinkle with every sensual movement of the boy’s body as he finds the best angle for your research photos. Not only does he adjust the positioning of his head and arm, but also his squirmy lower half with his waist where his underwear is peeking out and his legs unable to keep still. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was frustrated, needy, and a tad bit horny.

As you wait for him to finish, you start mapping out your painting with a rough outline. You lightly sketch Jimin down to his waist and surround him with-

“Done~” the boy yawns, handing you back your phone. Eager, you swipe through the 37 photos taken by Park Jimin, all of which have an overwhelming amount of sex appeal. You don’t know how you’re going to narrow it down, though you suppose the one he set as your lockscreen is the best in his humble opinion. And it has a perfect view of his tattoo.

You feel Jimin’s eyes on you as you painting. The sensation of being observed is oddly comforting rather than pressuring, and maybe it’s because you know it’s not with judging eyes. From your bed, he follows your paintbrush’s every stroke against the canvas as you fill it in with a splash of color, bringing your subject into bloom.

“What made you choose me specifically to be your model?” the boy asks as you’re defining his abs.

You pause your painting for a moment to think about his question. “I don’t usually use people as subjects for my art, but my professor suggested that I step out of my comfort zone.”

“So you went to a strip club and surrounded yourself with naked people?”

“Exactly,” you nod and continue, “I took a chance, went to a strip club for the first and last time in my life, and met a boy. And out of all the humans in the world, he was the first to lend me inspiration.”

“I can’t believe you found inspiration in someone who sells their body for money,” Jimin chuckles but his words bother you.

“I know I’m literally painting your abs right now, but believe me when I say I took more inspiration from you than just from your body.”

“Well I’m glad,” he says, rubbing his toned belly. You’re still not convinced.

“Do you not like being a stripper?”

“I don’t hate it, and the performer in me really does enjoy being on stage. Plus, it pays for my puppy,” Jimin sighs because he knows you’re not going to let it go until you get a proper answer. “But there’s always this feeling of being trapped in a bud of expectation and insecurity. As long as I’m a stripper, my body will always outshine my dancing. And yet, I can’t bring myself to quit, in fear of not being a good enough dancer for anything else.”

You can only nod because you don’t know how to offer support. The boy sounds a lot less confident now than how you remember him dancing on stage. But you get it. Taking that first step out of your comfort zone is as scary as that painting you did of the goblin shark. But that’s the only way you’ll ever blossom.

After several hours of endless painting and the occasional puppy whining in her sleep, you rise like a zombie from your desk to show your muse the final product of your blood, sweat, and tears. But of course he’s already fast asleep on your bed with his puppy at ass o’clock.

Not wanting to disturb the two cuties, you carefully pull the covers over them, make a nice bed for yourself on the carpet with three spare blankets, and turn out the lights.

When you wake up, however, you smell cherry blossoms and feel something warm pressed up against your back. Thankfully, what you find when you roll over on the bed is not a sleeping Jimin, but instead a puppy licking her butt. As soon as she realizes her privacy’s been violated, she wags her tail and does some morning stretches.

You flip the covers and bed sheets over in search of a half-naked boy, but he’s not there. Instead, you see him all bundled up in his black hoodie and the three blankets you’d been using on the floor. Somehow the two of you mysteriously swapped places. You can only assume he woke up in the middle of the night and tucked you into bed. Because coincidences like that don’t just happen.

Relieved from everything, you take time to play with the puppy on your bed for a bit before you have to get ready and leave for the exhibition. The little one explores the dark depths beneath your bed sheet, her cold wet nose sniffing everything including your exposed legs, until her fluffy head finally pops back out with a tiny bark.

You’re startled by half-asleep mumbles and rustling blankets. Jimin sits up as his hood falls down to reveal a wicked bedhead. He tousles his hair around and you can’t decide whether it looks messy or really fucking hot—like he just had a quickie. “Did you finish your painting?” He blinks at you.

“Oh right.” You stop yourself from any sort of fantasizing and hop off the bed to grab the colorful canvas from your desk. Once it’s in the hands of the boy at the center of the painting, you plop down next to him on the blankets and wait for his response.

Before saying a word, Jimin’s eyes examine every inch of the canvas. From the pastel palette, to the boy’s fingers-running-through-hair pose, to the pink bed of flowers beneath him and petals around him, to the bold tattoo on his ribs.

“Are you calling me a flower boy?” He’s unable to hold back a smile creeping up.

“You’re the one with the tattoo,” you say, softly poking the boy’s ribs through his hoodie. “So you tell me.”

He shakes his head, “I still have a long way to go before I, you know, blossom…” You find it adorable how he cringes and shrinks his body at his own word. “But until then, I’ve found another flower to inspire me.” He’s totally talking about you.

“You mean your puppy?” you tease him, picking up the curious white pupper and tapping her wet nose against the boy’s cheek. He plants a soft kiss on her little head before taking her into his lap where she quickly curls up in a ball.

“Yeah her,” Jimin continues to stroke his baby’s fur as her eyelids grow heavier. It isn’t long before the precious bean is fast asleep, and your heart melts a little.

“I was pleasantly surprised to wake up back in my bed with her all cozied up next to me,” you reach over to pet the puppy even though it’s right at the boy’s crotch. “You didn’t have to do that, you know… But I appreciate it, Jimin.”

“No problem, Little One,” he gives you a cute duck face. “I’d want to make sure I have your permission before we sleep together anyway.”

You suppose that’s his way of asking for sex, but you really can’t take a hint. So you ignore him. “Do you want to come to the exhibition with me?”

A little disappointed that you ignored his invitation, Jimin sulks and grabs his duffle bag as he walks towards the bathroom, “Fine, but let me change into clean clothes first.”

“You’re fine with stripping down at a crowded club, but not in front of me?” you ask, not because you want to see it again, but because it’s ironic.

After pausing mid-step, he spins around and stands right before you, his beautiful dark eyes meeting yours. And rather than running his fingers through his own hair for the fiftieth time, he runs them through yours for the first. “Maybe I’m not a stripper when I’m with you.”

“Then what are you? A vampire?” you look up at him with a teasing grin.

“You’re impossible, you know that?” The boy shakes his head and does a cute little eye roll to pretend like he’s annoyed as he walks off to the bathroom. And when he comes back in a very casual boyfriend look, the two of you head over to the exhibition on campus with the painting tucked under your arm.

[yconic]

I don't think you understand how much I love the concept of single dad Tony being protected by his kids, because, quite frankly, they don't think anyone is good enough for him. And the list of possibilities on how he becomes a single parent is infinite, but I personally prefer the one where he adopts on his own, be it because the kids were left on his doorstep or because he picks them up from an orphanage.

That being said, I loved this concept so much I came up with an AU for it! It's kinda like this:

A nonpowered AU where Tony always loved baking because he always used to do it with people that he loved. Maria and Jarvis used to bake all the time when he was a kid and he'd always stay in the kitchen to help them and have some bonding time together since Maria used to be busy working and baking hours were almost the only times she was free.

So you best believe Tony opens a bakery as soon as he graduates! Ever since he was a little kid he'd save up for it and kept it up in adulthood because he wanted to build something with his own money since Howard always used to say he couldn't do anything on his own. So he buys a busted up building, and makes it into his dream.

Everything goes smoothly for a year or so. The business prospers, Tony's got himself an apartment, finally moved out of Rhodey's basement. ("You know I don't mind if you stay for a day or two more.") ("Awww, admit it, you love having me around!") ("I changed my mind, have your bags ready to go by morning you fucking menace.") ("I love you too, Platypus.") He's doing pretty good financially. It all goes great!

Until it doesn't.

One day, two kids walk in. They can't be older than nine, their clothes are obviously hand-me-downs, and they're ogling the pastries like they're some kind of never seen treasure. They're siblings, Tony can tell that much. He doesn't want to be an asshole and assume they're here to do what he thinks .

He can count on one hand the number of times he walked into a store and the manager or the stuff followed his every move with their unkind eyes, subtly (not so) trying to make it seem like they're busy in the area he was at. But it was obvious they expected him to snatch something and dash out of the store. Their behavior made Tony feel helpless, unwelcomed and inferior, like someone like him had no place in a place like that.

He didn't want to act like those assholes, so he welcomed the kids with a smile, deciding to give them the benefit of the doubt.

They snatched some pies and dashed out the door in a blink.

He chases after them of course, not with the intention of dragging them to the police or give slapping them a new one like Howard would've done. Not for something as simple as pies. But he well knows he wouldn't have taken if they stole money, either.

Tony is convinced that if his father was alive, he would've called him weak, soft, a disappointment, for just wanting to pull them aside and ask them why they did it, ask if they needed help, as Tony planned on doing. It was clear they were in a desperate situation, otherwise the thievery wouldn't have been done.

After an hour or so of chasing, where Tony had to stop two times because damn the kid with silver hair was fast, they barge into an old orphanage. It was obvious the building's seen better days, if the paint peeling off the cracked walls and broken windows covered with rotten planks was anything to go by.

He explains the incident to the woman who runs the place as he looks around, bottom of his shoes sticking to the dirty floors and the overwhelming smell of mold invaded his nostrils, making his stomach clench in disgust. The children in there look like they haven't seen a bath and warm meal in weeks, some in their lives.

It's unbearably infuriating how the staff acts like everything is normal, ignoring how the kids were obviously unhappy and in need of care, as they lead him to the room where Pietro and Wanda were.

He learned their names when they were practically spat by the director, and that they were Sokovian refugees, sent to America by parents who didn't want their children to bask in the violence and bloodshed of war. The room the twins lived was small, two bunk beds and a single closet.

The duo was on the floor, scarfing down the pie they grabbed with two other kids, younger than them, Tony noted. The twins noticed he was there, but their eyes were downcasted on the ground, refusing to look at him.

With his mind made up, Tony turns to the director, no trace of hesitation in his voice "I want to adopt them." He wants to yell when she practically hands them over like a pair of unwanted, old jeans, barely even letting the ink dry on the adoption papers.

The first two months are tough on them all. It's hard for them to accommodate to a normal home after spending so much time in a house full of neglect, hostility, and constant state of unsafety. The fact that they got three meals a day bewildered them, that Tony didn't yell, or hit them confused them, and Tony's heart broke every time.

The situation improved as time passed, with gentleness and patience, with love and acceptance of differences and difficult pasts, leaving them behind and looking forward, they build a small but united family. And unknown to them, it will extend with a new member on the night of December 24th.

It's Christmas and Pietro's was on the couch, playing video games with his head on Wanda's lap as she was reading a book, waiting for Tony to come back from work, when the doorbell rang so insistently Wanda smacked him on the back of his head, ordering him to open the door.

"Uh, " Pietro dragged the sound out, eyes glued to the crib on the doormat, where a pair of big, brown eyes stared back at him, just as puzzled as he was "Hey, Wanda?! There's a baby on our doorstep! I'm bringing him inside to adopt him so I can take his allowance!"

"That's nice, Pi," Wanda replied, absentmindedly flipping the page of her novel, "you better share it with me, shithead," but immediately her eyes winded in realization, standing up in a hurry "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"I FOUND A BABY ON OUR DOORSTEP!'' Pietro yelled, emphasizing his point by literally shoving the baby in her face, who immediately began to cry at the loud noise.

"DON'T YELL AT ME! YOU MADE HIM CRY!''

"YOU YELLED AT ME FIRST! "

Right then, Tony entered the apartment holding grocery bags which he desperately fought for against Susan, the annoying neighbor from above, only to be welcomed by a shouting match "What's all this yelling?! I can hear you guys from across the, --" he dropped the bags the minute he saw Pietro holding a baby. A human baby. A breathing, human baby.

"What's, " He started after a moment of silence, pointing at the crying babe in his son's arm "that?"

"Um, 'that' is a he, and his name is Peter! Can we keep him, dad? I want to steal his allowance and birthday presents. And stick his dirty diapers in Wanda's mouth when she's sleeping."

"Do that, and it'll be the last thing you do."

"What's it doing in my house? " Tony asked, taking the fragile baby in his arms, and the cries immediately stopped. The little hands hooked on his shirt tightly, having no intention of letting go. Heart melting, he smiled down at the baby boy, steading him in his arms "you said his name was Peter?"

"Yep! It was written on the note attached to the crib. We found him on our doorstep. We're keeping him, right?"

"Please, dad?" Wanda chimed in "he's so cute! And I might finally have the servant Pietro was supposed to be!"

"Hey, fuck you, alright? But yeah dad, let's keep him! I always wanted a brother! Please? I said please, so you know how much I want this."

"Oh, kids, I don't know, " Tony whispered, eyes warm as he looked at Peter who was playing with his index finger, trying to bite into it with his squishy gums. Looking at the twins, he wasn't surprised to find a set of begging puppy eyes staring at him. There was no changing their minds.

Sighing, he smiled "Hope you guys like smelly diapers and midnight wake up calls." Susan complained about the noise of their cheer and the thud after the kids tackled him in a hug. Tony couldn't bring himself to give a fuck, though.

-

Two years later, standing in his bakery, laughing with Pietro and Wanda while they told him about their day at school, between bickering with each other, of course, preparing cakes with a happy two year old Peter in his arms, Tony couldn't be happier with his decision.

He had a family. A happy family, nonetheless. After so many years, Tony can say he's nothing like Howard, he can say his kids are content, he can say they're safe and comfortable, and happy with him. Tony made sure to give them everything Howard didn't give him. It couldn't get any better than that.

"Dad, don't look now, but that blonde over there has been checking you out for the past hour or so, " Wanda whispered to him with a smile on her face, gesturing to a blonde man drawing in a corner. Their eyes met for a brief second before he moved his eyes away in a flash, red dusting his cheeks and neck.

The baker snorted, passing Peter to a glaring Pietro, who pinned the man down with a stony gaze before 'hmph' ing. Tony raised an eyebrow, but didn't question him, instead hurrying to serve the apple pie and hot chocolate to the artist (?). Giving the other man a friendly smile, he set the order on the table.

"Apple pie and hot chocolate, right? Interesting combo, If I do say so myself, " Tony commented with a small chuckle. The blue-eyed man finally looked up. Tony could get lost in the sea of his eyes, as cliche as that sounds.

He chuckled, thought it was a tad nervous, and played with the circles that held his sketchbook together, blush still flaming on his porcelain fair skin. "You've never prepared weird orders before?"

"Weird isn't the word I'd use, but I had. One time, a guy told me to shred some cheddar cheese on his chocolate muffin. I still want to puke everything I think about it." Tony laughed at the memory, Pepper's deranged face appearing in his mind.

The other man laughed "Oh, that's not good, " he extended his hand, giving Tony a smile that made him weak in the knees "I'm Steve. Wanna sit down and tell me horror stories about disgusting food orders?"

Turning to his kids to see what they thought about it, he got a thumbs up from Wanda and some clapping from Peter. In the meantime, Pietro shrugged, not taking his piercing eyes off Steve, but he softened, shrugging his shoulders.

His eyes fell back on his Steve, the corners of his mouth lifting as he sat down "I'd love to!"

[srona58]

Daddy’s Little Girl

Inspired by a piece of fan art (artist unknown) that is being shared around on Twitter recently. Just some fluff to cure your Infinity War broken hearts. Slightly AU.

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything Marvel or Iron Man.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY OR SHARE WITHOUT ASKING!!  Also posted on AO3, Wattpad, and FF.net under @Srona58 

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A heavy sigh left Pepper's lungs as she entered the compound, welcomed by Friday, per usual. Her shoulders ached and her feet hurt, until she kicked off her heels and made her way to the hallway leading toward the elevator, which she took a floor up to her - their - bedroom. It had been a long day. Lots of meetings, lots of dramatic accusations against the Avengers. Lots of requests for Iron Man or Captain America or War Machine that would probably never be RSVP'd to. Going back to work hadn't been easy for her, and she didn't anticipate it draining her so much. Then, she'd come back to the facility and do it all over again at home.

"Tony?" she called when she approached, her voice heavy with exhaustion.

No answer.

"I'm home," she added, hesitantly. "You guys here?"

Still nothing.

When she pushed through the bedroom door, the room was empty, which made her panic a little as her heart rate picked up. She was still super protective and worried and she wasn't going to lie; she was starting to get clingy to the point of calling to check in every hour from the Stark Industries building in Manhattan. This bothered her.

"Friday, where's Mr Stark?" she asked rather urgently.

"He is currently in the lab assisting Dr Banner, Mrs Stark," the female voice answered politely.

"Thank you..."

Pepper found her feet leading her to the elevator down the hall, focused on telling herself that she's just over reacting and everything is fine. She can't panic again and take it out on Tony without checking, first...

When the doors dinged open, she passed a few staff before making it to the familiar double doors of the space Tony designated for the science buddies. He hadn't used it much recently, but it was understandable...they were both far too busy to have much spare time. Hell, if it were up to her, she'd come home and crawl right into bed after a normal workday...but being CEO never allowed that.

"Tony?" she called again after punching in her key code to the access doors. "Tony, I know you said not to worry, but our room is empty, and-"

The doors silenced her when they opened and she saw the two men invested in whatever project they were working on now, Banner hunched over a work desk, and Stark holding blueprints up to inspect them in the far corner. Her heart melted when her eyes fell on him; over his shoulder was the familiar, tiny face that made her smile with relief.

"I'm home..." she said softly, stepping in and approaching her husband.

"Hi, Pepper," Bruce greeted politely, looking up at her over his glasses as he fidgeted in his white lab coat.

She smiled his direction on her way past, smiling warmly. "Hi, Bruce."

Tony didn't turn to greet her just yet; he mumbled a hi, then added some things to the digitized version of the blueprint when he dropped the paper sheets. She didn't care; the sight was wringing her heart. He was certainly something else at times...and moments like these, which she never dreamed in her entire life would happen, made her love him even more than she already did.

As he shifted, she could see his defined shoulder muscles under his tight shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, as they usually were when he was working, but her favorite part; Morgan's sleeping face, rested over his shoulder, and her small hand clinging to the soft hair on the nape of his neck. It was manly, cute, and admittedly, a bit sexy - fatherhood suited him well, when he wore the cape.

She let her shoulders drop as she tilted her head, lips lifting in a tight smile as she looked at him with tired eyes. Had you asked her if she'd ever see Tony Stark holding their daughter as he worked on something that wasn't a suit that would get him blown up, she would've said no. But Tony Stark wasn't the same man anymore. Things changed. The world changed. He changed, and he was never further from the drunk playboy she first started working for.

"You're staring," he mused, finally turning to face her as he closed the files and pushed his bold framed glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Pepper blushed, clearing her mind of every thought running through it. "Morgan wasn't in her crib, and..." she trailed off, realizing she was admitting to panicking.

But Tony didn't get frustrated or upset; he only chuckled and stepped toward her, wrapping his free arm around her as he pulled her in to kiss her forehead, Morgan settled safely against both of them as she stretched and repositioned her sleeping body against her dad.

"Pep, it's all good," he spoke softly, not wanting to wake their daughter. "Platypus couldn't babysit and gold ol' Brucey here needed my help, so-"

"So you brought her with you?"

His brow twitched as he realized she was about to snap at him. "I was just working on papers...all perfectly safe and baby proof, and she's been on my arm all afternoon, I swear."

She surprised him, though, reaching out to pat Morgan's hair gently as she nuzzled into Tony's neck. Her smile regained claim of her face and she looked up into his eyes, her blue ones shining with care, just like they had the first time he admitted he even wanted kids. She pulled off his dark glasses, making him close his eyes momentarily, until she pocketed them in her blouse.

"I'm glad you're spending time with her," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him gently. "Toddlers look good on you."

He smirked, grabbing her lips in another soft kiss before he answered. "You know what else looks good on me?"

She rolled her eyes, leaning in to kiss the top of Morgan's head as she ran her hand up Tony's chest. "Later," she suggested, not saying no, which thrilled him. "Was she good?"

He moved to get a better hold on Morgan, letting her stay asleep in his arms. "A little cranky when we came down, but she's been out like a light since."

"She's gonna get off her sleep schedule," Pepper frowned. Then, she ran her hand through Tony's short, yet fluffy hair and paused. "I'm exhausted, maybe we can save date night for this weekend?" she asked as he stifled his own yawn.

"I'm not opposed..."

"Let's get her to bed, then," Potts decided. "And then you can join me in the shower," she teased, smirking her own half smile.

Pepper watched as Tony's dark eyes lightened with excitement as he nodded, grabbing her hand and dragging her giggling self to the elevator. "See ya in the morning, Bruce!"

Pepper dismissed herself to the kitchen before Tony took the last ride up to their room, wanting to grab some water and a small snack before passing out for the night. She tiredly went to join her husband and daughter in their living space, anticipating an easy put down for Morgan and some fun with Tony for the first time in a while, but she opened the door to yet another surprising sight...Tony lying on the bed with his legs crossed, Morgan cuddled on his chest with her thumb in her mouth. They were both knocked out, Stark snoring lightly as both arms held Morgan against him. Babysitting must have really took the energy out of him.

She smiled warmly, sighing as she realized there'd be nothing but sleep tonight, but welcomed it. She lifted Morgan from his arms, receiving a small groan from Tony as he protested, but eventually he gave in and she put their small child into her crib, thankful she was too tired to cry or throw a tantrum for once.

"I love you, pretty girl," Pepper sang lightly, grazing her lips over her daughter's eyelids before laying her down on her back. "They might think your mommy's in charge, but you're really daddy's little girl, aren't you?"

She smiled warmly down at the toddler in her crib, then wished her goodnight and wandered into their closet to change into one of Tony's band shirts, stepping out of her blouse and skirt and letting her hair down. She joined her husband in bed, slipping a blanket over the both of them, then asked Friday to turn out the lights as she layed comfortably on her side, facing the crib.

She didn't have to wait long until she felt Tony's familiar strong arms wrap around her waist, pulling her back against his chest as he pressed his nose into her neck, kissing her lightly, though probably still half asleep. Pepper closed her eyes, content, and grabbed one of his hands, holding it in her own.

"That little girl is wrapped around your finger, you know," she mumbled sleepily.

He grinned against her skin, giving her chills, and the murmur he replied with was almost incoherent as they settled into sleep.

"I think it's the other way 'round..."

[szopenhauer]

What have you done today?   mostly went to the store and spent time with my family (parents, sister and niece)

Whose voice did you last hear?             parent

What color is the shirt you’re wearing? white

Are you listening to any music?             Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex

Do promises mean anything to you?     yes but not most of the secrets, sorry

Do you ever drink energy drinks?           never

Are your parents over protective?         can be

If I asked someone what one word desribes you - it’d be?   ask them

On average, how many texts do you send a day? shitload, me and my gf text constantly

Would you ever get music lyrics tattooed on yourself? nah

Think back to the first person you loved, where do they go to school? my first female crush was my classmate in high school XD

Do you label yourself with a religion? I’m a Christian

What is the last thing you laughed about? not sure what was last but probably smth related to the kid

Do you remember your first cell phone number? omg nooo

What color are the pants you’re wearing? blue/white

How much money did you spend today, and on what? food, ask my dad

What is something you regret doing today? sigh...

What is your favorite word that starts with the letter “R”? hmm...

Do you own any sidewalk chalk? nope

What’s the first letter of the last band’s name you listened to? I

Do you say “That’s what she said”? I do XD that’s annoying

If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened in the last 24 hours? maybe

Have you seen the person you love/like recently? How is he/she doing? yep, she has a headache Have you received any compliments about your appearance today? not really Can you think of an animal that starts with the same letter as your name? zebra What colour is your jewellery box? I have several Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged? we had a major fight this week but it was a first real argument and hopefully last like this one What colour is your shampoo bottle? it’s transparent, shampoo is green Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? we’re dating so... Name a singer/band that you like, whose name starts with the letter ‘C’. CocoRosie

Name a food that starts with the same letter as your surname. chocolate Think of the last person you hugged. What was he/she wearing? pajama Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? we don’t In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? my current partner and my father Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today? I smiled only Other than going to sleep, what was your last reason for closing your eyes? blinking? lmfao Have you recently bought a gift for anyone? yeah When did you last charge the battery on your phone? it’s charging What is the first letter of the first name of the last person you hugged? B.

When was the last time you used the word “lame”? recently

Do you have anything plugged in and charging right now? as I mentioned...

What’s the first line of the last song you listened to? Will you hold the line, when every one of them has given up and given in, tell me

When was the last time you stuck your tounge out at someone? irl or in a gif/emoji :P

When was the last time you washed your hair? in the middle of filling this 

When was the last time you did grocerieS? morning

Close your eyes after you read the question. Who’s face comes to mind? M.

Do you own any grey shoes? yup

What was the last thing that startled you? I forgot

Have you seen “The Notebook”? I should

Do you think Channing Tatum is attractive? sorry but no

Do you know how to do that fancy no-look typing? yasss

Is the door of the room you’re currently in opened? still

Would you say that you are confident? me? pfft

What was the last thing you tripped over? umm...

What was the last thing you argued about? ugh...

Do you think mailmen deliver their own mail? if it’s on their route or they can pick it up in the post office if their collegue leaves it behind for ‘em, my family member was a mailman 

Are you scared of bugs, or just grossed out by them? neither unless they’re dead or it’s a maggot then grossed out

Will you be one of those old people with 11 cats? def not

Have you seen the movie “Watchmen”? but not the show, I love Rorschach

Have you ever regretted telling someone something? of course, more than once

What’s something that can’t be joked about with you? rape for example

Do you strongly believe in God? I try 

Do you watch people from your window? accidentally

Who was the last person to promise you something, and what was it? personal

Would you ever jump into a fire to save your bestfriend? I hope so

What was the last thing you failed at? I fail at life 24/7

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? ask God

Do you think walruses are cute? they’re fine 

What is the correct plural form of platypus? platypussies - jk

When was the last time you used a glue stick? beginning of this year

What was the name of your last or current math teacher? I didn’t bother to keep that in mind

Did you know that there is a Twilight-sponsored Blood Drive named, “Carlisle Would Approve”? Donate blood for Edward? :) ... srsly?

Do you know anyone with a lip piercing? I do not

When was the last time you wore a white shirt? atm

Have you ever given birth? wtf

Doesn’t it just sound painful? scary

Did you help anyone out today? yes

Do you take free samples at the grocery store? nah How often do you go grocery shopping? every second day? If you could join any band, what band would you choose? I have no talent for that

Have you ever made a survey that had been taken over 500 times? nooo Are you camera shy? I’m insecure Is it night time or day time? night

When was the last time you cried? this day

[adambstingus]

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.

That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

1

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

2

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

via: Amazon

FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.

Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

3

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

via: Amazon

Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.

Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

4

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

via: Amazon

Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.

Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

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5

This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

via: Amazon

Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.

Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

6

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

via: Amazon

If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.

Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

7

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

via: Amazon

I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.

Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan

8

This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

via: Amazon

Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.

Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique

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9

This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

via: Amazon

I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

10

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

via: Amazon

There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.

Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward

11

These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

via: Amazon

MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad

12

This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

via: Amazon

While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.

Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos

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13

This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

via: Amazon

Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.

Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

14

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

via: Amazon

For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.

Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

15

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

via: Amazon

To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.

Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

16

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

via: Amazon

This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.

Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

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17

This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

via: Amazon

Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.

Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

18

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

via: Amazon

Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.

Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

19

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

via: Amazon

Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.

Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

20

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

via: Amazon

No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.

Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182059588112

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Do you know how crazy it would be if there were an AU where all of the Perry-centered AUs anons have pitched to you over the past few months were all stitched together? Say there was as alternate universe where Perry is a robot and OWCA has many copies of himself and he's raising an organic platypus baby with whatever the heck a capybara is, and that's all without context!

okay I literally have three asks that I should be answering before this one if I go in like wait-list order (is that even English who the fuck knows at this point) but this one is KILLING ME and I have an answer it immediately okay hold on I gotta go check my list of asks to see what we gotta work in and I’m totally including headcanons with the AUs to make this into the biggest and best trainwreck of all time

Okay so we start with day one: OWCA’s training regiment at The Academy is super harsh, and it turns Perry into the supersoldier he is. This is, of course, because Perry is a robot.  One day, robot Perry stumbles upon Phineas and Ferb, and the kids play around with his wiring and give him Feelings™. Essentially, this means that the kids saved him from a cold, dark, meaningless existence. They don’t know it yet, but Perry was actually sent to them to keep an eye on them, though OWCA did not anticipate that the boys would mess with his software. 

Perry goes missing one day, and OWCA panics and makes a whole new Perry robot to replace him, thus inventing the Perry clones. Each agent has to upload their memories every now and then, which means Monogram can just insert Perry’s mental hard drive into a new Perry robot. I guess somehow in the process the og blueprints got a little fucked up because they now match what Phineas and Ferb did to Perry, and while OWCA had questioned it at Perry’s last physical, they note that Perry is doing better than ever -- though he is a little more benevolent, which they’re not sure they like -- so they don’t really question it.

As the years pass, more and more Perrys go missing or die or get captured or whatever, and at this point, OWCA just has a whole fucking army of robot Perrys chilling in the OWCA basement so that whenever a new one needs to replace an old one, he’s ready. He lets all the platypuses run around Danville, possibly after they escaped on their own, and now all the platypuses in Danville are Perry clones. Across the 2nd Dimension comes along now, and in the 2nd Dimension, the clone robot Perry program has already been shut down because 2D Doof would be too powerful with an army of Perryborgs. Perry does a really good job at keeping the mindless platypus facade up at first, even though 2D Doof knows it’s him because he recognizes Phineas and Ferb from Perryborg’s locket. They mostly manage to work together without Perry revealing himself until the very end, when they’re having that last-ditch effort back in the first dimension to stop 2D Doof from taking over. 

Okay this is where I’m getting a lil confused because I have four ways this could go right now: Coby the Capybara starts working for OWCA, the og robot Perry from before the clones thing shows up, the butler!Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” au, or the au where Perry gets zapped by the ultimate-evil-inator in Where’s Perry. They all gotta make it in here eventually, but I have spent like ten minuntes trying to decide whether I want Coby or the og Perry to come back first, and whether either or both of them should be back for butler!Perry or evil!Perry, and I do not fucking know so I’m just gonna wing it and hope for the best lmao

First comes Coby the Capybara. I guess he’s now also a robot, right? But he doesn’t have any clones? I think is how these headcanons work? So Perry has no idea why the fuck this new guy is so happy and annoyingly optimistic because he’s literally just a robot but whatever, as long as Perry can stay away it’s all good, right? But Coby basically inserts himself into Perry’s life, and while most agents don’t have host families, OWCA makes an exception here because the Flynn-Fletchers have basically already adopted him and it can’t hurt to have two agents keeping an eye on those kids, right? And they don’t really get along that well at first because they’re so different. Usually it’s Perry that gets annoyed at Coby, but sometimes it’s the other way around. For instance, Coby gets really fucking annoyed at how Perry doesn’t let him have any fun. So what if he gets needlessly risky when it comes to almost revealing his secret identity? It’s fun, something that Perry has apparently never heard of. And while Coby is fooling around with all Perry’s shit, he finds the pictures from the second dimension, and he’s about to go chew Perry out for being such a fucking hypocrite until he reads the lowkey diary entry that goes with the pictures where Perry admits to being scared out of his mind the entire time and how it crushed him because he can’t let it show that it got to him at all because he’s a robot and he’s not supposed to have feelings. I choose to think for maximum angst reasons that Phineas and Ferb didn’t play around with his wiring because unlike when Perry first wandered in, they knew Coby was a conscious animal. Still, Coby knows Perry has human-like emotions, even if he can’t quite understand them, and he knows he can’t imagine what Perry had to go through. Coby is a lot nicer around Perry and doesn’t risk blowing their covers as much after that or at least not where Perry can see it, and as time goes on, Coby also becomes a much better agent, too, until they’re basically equals, and, more importantly, they’re family. 

I think I’d rather the evil Perrys come before the og Perry comes back but I do also wanna throw Coby in just for kicks, so we’re gonna skip on over to the ultimate-evil-inator Where’s Perry au. The Flynn-Fletchers and their friends are all in Africa, but, unlike Coby, Perry couldn’t get the time off. He gets hit by the inator, obviously, and turns evil, and he strings Heinz along to get what he wants. To briefly summarize the description from the post, basically Perry uses Heinz just long enough to take over the tri-state area, and to do so, he needs to capture everyone he deems a threat, which includes everyone from OWCA. 

The kids come home to find that somehow their dumb little platypus took over, and they decide they’re the tri-state area’s only hope so they set off to stop him. This is where it differs from the og ask: now we’ve got Coby in the picture. Coby works for OWCA so obviously he knows the ins and outs of the city better than these kids do and he makes it to wherever Perry’s hiding out before everyone else. Perry has his robot army grab him, but Coby demands that Perry let him talk and for some inexplicable reason, Perry does. Coby basically begs him to back down (and it doesn’t work). He reminds Perry that these people did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve this (and it doesn’t work). He tells Perry that this is just a victory for Heinz, even if the poor dude’s now in prison, and that Perry’s not supposed to let Heinz win (and it doesn’t work). He pops open his collar locket and shows Perry the picture of the two of them with the three kids, and begs Perry not to let anything happen to them because they’re family... and it still doesn’t work. Perry orders the robots to execute Coby, but then Phineas, Ferb, and their friends show up and start talking over each other a mile a minute except Ferb but his silence is just as wholesome in Perry’s eyes and Perry looks between the kids and Coby and he realizes that this is Not Good™ 

Perry just drops to all fours, orders the guards to release everyone, and pretends it never happened. Coby’s kinda taken by surprise, but he’s not shocked -- Perry is nothing but a family man, even if he can’t admit it -- so he also drops to all fours and pretends nothing happened. The kids are really confused, but hey, everyone’s happy so it’s all good, right?

But now that we’re basically talking about the entire summer, I feel like this is a great time to talk about what happens after he becomes evil and then becomes good again, and how that sets him up for the next time he becomes evil because the poor guy can’t catch a break. I know I touched upon it in the reblog that’s linked with the post, but because of all the AUs, it’s more complicated than that (not because it has to be more complicated but because I like overcomplicated things). At least in the original AU, OWCA would probably expect Perry to feel a little down, but now that he’s a robot who’s not supposed to have feelings, he has to pretend it doesn’t bother him, and I have to imagine that would make him feel even worse. He’s a little wary around not only Heinz because he’s seen for the first time what his nemesis is capable of without remorse bearing in mind that the second dimension didn’t go the way it went in the movie so he never saw the worst of his dimension’s Heinz, but also around the kids because he’s afraid of them getting hurt if he gets too close, especially because OWCA doesn’t know he actually cares about them.  

And that’s where everybody’s favorite capybara comes in. Coby himself may not have real feelings, but he knows Perry does and he does consider Perry to be family, even if it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to him as a robot as it would to anyone else. Coby tries really hard to cheer him up and to assure his friend that he’s here for him if he ever wants to talk, but Perry turns him down every time because even though Coby can handle himself, Perry doesn’t want his own dumbassery to put him at risk. Still, even if he doesn’t consciously realize it, having Coby around makes him feel a little more welcome, even after that whole debacle. 

And then we’re gonna go with Butler!Perry, because why not make him turn evil twice? But again, because Coby’s here, I’m gonna change up how it goes just a little. So basically Remains of the Platypus goes how it usually does, with Heinz turning Perry into his butler and Carl trying to give Perry his hat and Monogram is eating cheese and all that ish. But as the au says, Perry doesn’t write “I fight evil” on his chest, so he doesn’t remember that he’s one of the good guys after Carl spills juice all over his shirt. Heinz sends Carl back to OWCA and spends the next few days gloating because haha I have your favorite agent and in your face, Francis! and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. 

Coby has been trained not to ask questions, and, as a robot, he’s really not supposed to break protocol or people are going to start asking questions. But the boys are starting to get really nervous and honestly, so is he, so he finally says “fuck it” and during his next mission briefing, he asks Monogram where Perry is. Monogram explains the whold predicament and basically says that as long as Perry doesn’t want to come back, their hands are tied. Coby’s hands are tied, too, in the sense that he has to take the case he’s given regardless of his own feelings and preferred agenda, so he reluctantly accepts his case and does his shit, and then he heads to DEI to see Perry. Heinz is just kinda vibin, probably watching TV and Perry’s, like, massaging his feet or something idfk Heinz is a weird dude. Coby breaks down the door and Heinz would do something about it but he’s also really investing in his relationship in the soap opera so he tells Perry to go take care of it. This time, since the problem is that Perry doesn’t remember anything and not that he’s legitimately evil, Coby manages to bring back his Perry by taking Perry’s collar off and showing him the locket and idk maybe he has to show Perry that he has a locket like that, too, just for the cuteness factor. Perry snaps out of it, and he and Coby beat the shit out of Heinz before heading back home together, and fortunately no one at OWCA questions it because they’re just glad to have Agent P back. 

Now Perry’s really wary around Heinz because this is the second time he’s turned him evil and, unlike the in original au, it wasn’t Heinz who decided to change him back. Their nemesisship takes a really big hit here, and nothing Heinz does can fix it. At the same time, though, Perry’s almost feeling better now than he did before, because even if he can’t trust his nemesis, he knows he can trust Coby. They truly are an inseparable duo...

Until they become a trio?

One day, a new platypus robot walks in the yard and he looks like a mess. He’s covered in scratches and wounds so deep that his wiring is coming through and sparking and it looks like he’s about to explode at any minute. That ends up being the original Perry robot, and he’s not very happy to see another platypus in his yard. Phineas and Ferb see him and they take him in because he obviously needs help, and once they’ve fixed him up, they decide they’re going to keep this new platypus and name him Bartholomew. Everything is sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows because yippee-doo, their family grows, right?

But Perry and Coby aren’t stupid. Contrary to popular believe, robot animals don’t wander into yards for no reason, no matter how many times the boys think it’s happened to them. So the three of them finally get the chance to talk, and it doesn’t really go well. Neither Perry was aware that there were Perry clones, and though they can sort of figure it out because they both have their one-of-a-kind locket with a picture of them and the boys as babies (though Perry is very disappointed to realize this is actually a picture of Bartholomew as a baby, not him), they’re not happy about it. The three of them head down to Perry and Coby’s shared lair and demand answers from Monogram, who basically explains that yes, they did clone Bartholomew, but they’d been looking for hi for days and the boys were getting antsy. They didn’t want to put the kids in danger if they discovered something they weren’t supposed to, so they basically said fuck it, let’s make a new Perry. Monogram neglects to mention that they’ve done this numerous times before and that every Danville platypus is a Perry clone.

Bartholomew and Perry don’t get along at first, and since neither of them have any reason to dislike Coby, he ends up being the mediator most of the time. Monogram tries to assign both platypuses to the same mission once, and Coby shuts that down immediately because they would literally murder each other. Bartholomew never met Heinz so that stays Perry’s thing, even though they’re still on pretty rough terms. Coby and Bartholomew do their own stuff, and for the most part, the two platypuses only interact when they have to -- when the boys want all their pets together or when Monogram needs to see all three agents.

And then Monogram realizes that he doesn’t really need three agents to watch two boys, so he reassigns Bartholomew to the Regurgitator case. He figures Perry’s been there the longest and Coby’s more familiar with the older Phineas and Ferb. Bartholomew’s been gone for so long that he’s probably the least useful one there. Monogram delivers the news to him alone, and when he refuses to take no for an answer, Bartholomew rebels. He explains the whole predicament to Perry and Coby, and while Coby sympathizes, Perry agrees with Monogram. Neither of them want to do anything to help, so Bartholomew basically says “fuck it, I’ll give you a reason to help me,” and reveals his identity to Phineas, Ferb, and Candace. At that point, there’s no reason for Perry and Coby to keep theirs a secret, because the kids are smart enough to figure it out themselves. Now that they’ve all revealed their identities, they’re all at risk of relocation if OWCA catches them (except Bartholomew who’s probably in more danger than them because he directly defied orders to do this, but come on, after the shit he’s seen, he can deal with them). In a desperate attempt to keep the family together, the three of them, accompanied by the kids and all their friends, start an uprising against OWCA. Perry decides to meet up with an old friend, Dennis the Rabbit, for a little help because he knows Dennis is just as pissed at OWCA as they are. 

I feel like that should be enough to reform OWCA, but because we still have a fuck ton of AUs left, it’s just enough to convince OWCA to lay off the punishments a little bit. The family gets to stay together, but only if the kids lose their memories. Just for kicks, Dennis gets to join the Flynn-Fletchers’ pet squad, too, but he comes with a collar this time that has his name so Candace stops calling him Mr. Cutie Patootie. Otherwise, everything goes back to normal, and now there are four animal agent robot thingies living with the Flynn-Fletchers, which is exceptionally weird because, again, the agents don’t typically have host families. Still, at least they kids are being watched, right?

One night, Heinz breaks into OWCA for one of his schemes, and he discovers the Perry cloning program. He only gets to read some of it because most of it is classified, but he gets the gist. He’s not sure what to do with this information, so he just kinda leaves and pretends he never saw it. But when he sees Perry the next day, he decides that’s not something he can just leave alone. He tries to get access to the files with Perry’s DNA and with Carl’s, but neither of them work so he somehow copies Monogram’s handprint and uses that. He’s in the middle of reading all about the program and all the different Perrys they’ve made and how different ones have been lost and/or destroyed, and then Monogram walks in. In the original au, Heinz destroys the machine, destroying the clone Perry in the process, and runs from OWCA to find the real Perry. I don’t particularly want this Perry to die, nor do I want Heinz to go on a wild goose hunt when the original Perry is literally Bartholomew and probably like two miles away, so that’s not gonna happen. Instead, Heinz promises he’s not going to do anything with this information and he leaves.

When he fights Perry the next time he tells Perry all about what he found. He admits that he tried hacking in with Perry’s handprint and with Carl’s and that he eventually had to use Monogram’s. He explains that the whole idea makes him incredibly uncomfortable and feels too evil, even for him, and that he almost destroyed the machine because it would end the program, but he decided against it because he likes Perry a lot, even if it’s just a clone of him and even if the feeling obviously isn’t mutual, and he wasn’t going to do that to the guy. He just figured this is something he should make sure Perry is aware of, because it sounds like it could have consequences.

It doesn’t have any dire consequences, but it does make Perry very happy. He’d been really iffy around the guy after the whole “turning him evil” thing, so this means a lot. Heinz had no reason to tell him any of this. He really just admit all these things that he knew could make Perry very uncomfortable just because he thought Perry should know the truth, and that’s not even taking into consideration that he has no idea how OWCA would respond if they knew Heinz had told Perry anything. Of course, Perry already knew about the cloning program (though not about the Danville platypuses; that one is new), so he’s not too phased by it. That helps bring their relationship back closer to the level of trust they used to have.

Perry goes home and explains it all to Coby, Bartholomew, and Dennis. None of them are comfortable with the newfound knowledge that there are, like, 50 Perrys out there, but hey, that’s life, right? Bartholomew kinda stops hating Perry as much now that he knows there wasn’t just one Perry that replaced him, and that’s it’s really been a big cycle that OWCA is prepared to continue if given the opportunity. When Bartholomew stops being as mean to Perry, Perry starts liking him a little more, and it kinda helps mend their relationship too.

And now it’s Last Day of Summer, except after the boys get sucked out of the universe, Perry does, too. He’s too disoriented to really process what’s going on until the boys have already noticed that he’s standing there on all fours, so his cover’s officially blown. Together, they have to figure out how to get back home. The rest of the day pretty much goes as it does in the episode, and in the end, one is okay. Heinz turns good, which means Perry now has to meet him in secret because he’s a robot and not supposed to have friends but that’s okay. He can deal with that. 

For some reason or other, Perry accidentally “has babies” because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when three platypus eggs appeared. They end up being Horatio, Ornithorhynchus (Ornith), and Anatinus (Ana). Hey, you said all the AUs, and there are two Dad!Perry AUs so thsi is what we got lmao. Horatio is a lot like Perry overall, Ornith is a lot like the Agent P side of Perry, and Ana is a lot like the mindless pet side of Perry. It’s a lot of work trying to balance looking after three baby platypuses, especially because they’re actual platypuses and he’s literally a robot. Fortunately, he does have his friends to help, and Bartholomew kinda likes having these kids. It almost reminds him of Phineas and Ferb back when Bartholomew first met them. 

But OWCA tries to get the babies to join no matter how many times Perry tells them to fuck off. One day Perry comes home to find OWCA trying to recruit them behind his back and he’s furious. He throws his hat down and quits because if they’re not going to respect him, he’s not going to respect them. That’s kinda OWCA’s first real glimpse into the fact that Perry has feelings because he’s done a good job at hiding them until then, and they don’t really like it but there’s nothing they can do. When the rest of the agents come home and hear what happened, most of them quit, too, but Coby doesn’t. OWCA is going to want someone to keep an eye on the boys regardless of whether Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis are up for the task, so he might as well take the L so OWCA doesn’t try to run them out of the house and replace them with a different agent. 

Horatio feels really guilty because he thinks this is all the his fault, so he runs away under the impression that Perry will have an easier time dealing with this if there are only two platybabies instead of three. Now Coby has to balance watching the human kids with taking on his cases and making sure Ornith and Ana don’t wander off. Perry, Bartholomew, and Dennis all have to track Horatio down, and they end up finding him at Doofenshmirtz Good Inc. because Heinz saw him on the street and after the clone Perry debacle, he’s a little wary of seeing non-robot baby platypuses on the street by themselves. He’s a little bitter that no one ever told him that Perry had kids, so Perry assures him that he can meet Ornith and Ana soon. He also gets to meet Bartholomew, which blows his mind even more than the platybabies because holy shit it’s the original Perry, so they lowkey become friends too (but not as close as he is with his Perry). Also just for kicks I’m gonna say he befriends a different platypus clone completely unrelated to this and names that Perry “Steven.”

Shit gets real complicated when the kids from the second dimension cross over into the first. Perry immediately informs Perryborg that his cover is still intact and hands him the pamphlet, and Perryborg has to explain it all to the kids. They can’t admit that they know something that the first dimension kids don’t, so they have to pretend they’ve never met before and hit it off like new friends. Meanwhile, Perry has to explain this to his friends, because the only one with any semblance of an idea that this went down is Coby. Perryborg kinda wants to befriend the platybabies, but they’re kinda terrified of him because, you know, he’s a big scary robot that can obliterate sticks. Perryborg’s jealous of Perry because he has this whole big family to himself now, and because he didn’t lose years of his life with them like Perryborg (and Bartholomew) did. It was enough to upset Bartholomew when he came back, and it’s enough to upset Perryborg. Meanwhlie, Perry’s jealous because Perryborg gets to be himself instead of pretending to be a mindless pet, and Perry wishes he could do that, too. In the end, they both decide that they’re probably bette off how they are now, and when the second dimension kids head home, Perry and Perryborg part as friends.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

This is 4400 words and has taken me many, many hours so if anyone actually reads this whole thing I am very sorry but this was my idea of a “quick fix” for yesterday’s depressive episode lmao anyway gtg gonna buy some more discount halloween candy 

[allofbeercom]

20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.

That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

1

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

2

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

via: Amazon

FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.

Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

3

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

via: Amazon

Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.

Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

4

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

via: Amazon

Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.

Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

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5

This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

via: Amazon

Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.

Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

6

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

via: Amazon

If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.

Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

7

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

via: Amazon

I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.

Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan

8

This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

via: Amazon

Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.

Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique

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9

This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

via: Amazon

I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

10

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

via: Amazon

There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.

Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward

11

These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

via: Amazon

MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad

12

This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

via: Amazon

While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.

Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos

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13

This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

via: Amazon

Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.

Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

14

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

via: Amazon

For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.

Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

15

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

via: Amazon

To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.

Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

16

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

via: Amazon

This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.

Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

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17

This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

via: Amazon

Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.

Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

18

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

via: Amazon

Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.

Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

19

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

via: Amazon

Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.

Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

20

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

via: Amazon

No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.

Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/